


Doing Their Best

by ThisWasInevitable



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Parents, Arguing, Blindfolds, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Flirting, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Kidfic, Kissing, Light Angst, Light Bondage, M/M, Oral Sex, Rating will change, Reader request, Sickfic, Stern is Aubreys uncle, Strap-Ons, Trans Male Character, Trans Stern, Vaginal Sex, rating is for language, single dads, sternclay, the mortal terror of christmas shopping for a new boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2020-08-23 08:22:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20239738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisWasInevitable/pseuds/ThisWasInevitable
Summary: Joseph Stern finds himself the sole guardian of his niece. Barclay is a single dad to his son Jake. After some initial hiccups, Stern and Barclay discover they can offer each other support and maybe something more.UPDATE: This was a favorite in a poll I did, so I'm adding more chapters to make it a longer fic!





	1. Doing His Best

**Author's Note:**

> A reader requested single dad Sternclay.

He’d never planned on being a parent. 

It’s not that Joseph Stern was opposed to the idea. In fact, there was a part of him that loved the idea of having a husband and kids. But for a long time, his work with the UP division of the FBI meant his life wasn’t stable enough to care for a houseplant, let alone a child. Once he’d been given a more stable position and was no longer a field agent, it felt too late. 

Then the worst had happened.

His brother and sister-in-law passed away in a house fire. By some miracle, his eight year old niece, Aubrey, had been at a friends house that night, meaning she survived. 

Turns out, he’d been appointed her legal guardian in the even of her parents death. And so, his house suddenly had more stuffed animals, bright colored clothing, and magic supplies than it ever had before. 

They were doing alright. Aubrey was adjusting to him not being able to be fun, indulgent uncle Joseph all the time. He was adjusting to having a living, breathing human who he needed to keep alive in his life. 

On the recommendation of the counselor he was having Aubrey see (the books said it was important she have a space to process the loss of her parents), they decided to bring a pet into the house. At the pet store, Aubrey selected a white rabbit.

“The sign says his name is Nougat” Stern said as his niece cradled the little ball of fluff.

Aubrey stared seriously at the rabbit for a moment before looking up at him, “No, his name is Dr. Harris Bonkers, PhD.”

“Alright, lets go get him some food bowls and a house. He worked hard for that PhD, after all.”

He was doing his best. He was making sure she had non-junk food to eat, helping her with her homework, doing everything he could to make sure she’d grow up okay.

He’s doing his best. It will be okay

This what he repeats frantically to himself as he scans the playground, suddenly unable to spot her shiny red jacket. He’s on his second, panicked circling of the structures before he spots her.

In a tree. 

The playground is part of a larger park, complete with groves of trees. His niece is standing far too high up one, next to a boy her age wearing baggy shorts and a tony hawk t-shirt. 

“Aubrey!” 

She sees him, waves. He jogs over, heart rate barely coming down.

“Why are you up there? That’s way too high and you need to get down.”

“Jake’s going to teach me how to do flips.”

“He’s WHAT?!”

“No, he’s not.” A deep voice sighs behind him. He turns to find a man several inches taller than him (rare, given he’s six feet tall), in a long-sleeved plaid shirt and short brown jacket. His beard is trimmed close, and his shaggy dark hair frames a tan, rather attractive face. 

“Jake, when I said you could play in the woods, what did I say not to do?”

“Anything dangerous.” The boy says, then huffs, “but this isn’t, we’re not even that high!”

The taller man walks over to the tree, looks up at the two kids. 

“Guess I shoulda been more specific. I don’t want you climbing or jumping off of anything that’s taller than I am. Now come on down.”

“Ooooh, you’re in trouble.” Aubrey teases as she and the boy start moving back towards the trunk.

“Aubrey, please be careful.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be fi-eeeeep” She loses her footing and Stern is already running forward when the other man holds out his arms, catching her with ease. 

“Thanks, Mr. Barclay.”

“No problem kiddo, but next time maybe listen to your uncle the first time he asks you to get down.”

“How do you know who we-”

“Jake’s my friend from school!” Aubrey says proudly. 

Right, she’d mentioned a Jake. Stern had pictured him having a better sense of self-preservation.

“Aubrey usually talks my ear off when I come to pick up Jake, and I'm assuming you must be the uncle Joseph she mentions. I’m Barclay, by the way. Jakes' dad in case that, uh, isn’t obvious.” His smile falters, which might have something to do with the fact that Stern is glaring. 

“You should watch him more carefully.”

Barclay shrugs, clearly trying to keep the conversation friendly, “hey, you know how kids are. You turn your back for two seconds and they get into trouble.”

“Am I in trouble?” Jake looks worried.

“Nah, bud, but we are gonna have to lay down some more rules about what kind of stunts you can try. Come on, we gotta head home. See you soon, Aubrey. Nice, uh, nice meeting you.” He holds out his hand. Stern doesn’t take it.

As Barclay and Jake depart, Aubrey beams up at him, “Aren’t they cool?”

“Mmmhmm. Let’s head home. We need to get Dr. Harris Bonkers his dinner.”

\---------------------------------------

Stern swallows down his nerves as he stands outside the classroom, it’s door decorated with pieces of blue craft paper and snowflakes.

The teacher just wants to talk. About Aubrey. 

Oh god.

He steps inside, finds the teacher, Mr. Cold, seated at his desk, reading over homework. He’s only seen the guy once before, at back to school night. He’s dressed more like a high school art teacher than an elementary one, flowing clothes in odd colors and red glasses perched on his nose. 

“Ah, Mr Stern, nice to see you again. Please, have a seat.” He pulls out a small folder with "Little, Aubrey" written on it. 

“Is Aubrey doing alright in class?” He blurts out.

Mr. Cold smiles calmly, “In a sense. She’s bright, creative, gets along easily with most of her classmates. We all enjoy her impromptu magic tricks, although we’ve agreed flashpaper tricks are best practiced elsewhere.” He indicates a scorch mark on the white board. 

“But?” 

“I’ve noticed her struggling with focusing on tasks or sitting still for long periods of time, beyond the normal squiriliness one might expect from a child. She also struggles with certain assignments in ways that, to me, indicate she may have an attention disorder. I called her previous school and managed to access her records, and this seems to be a pattern in her classroom behavior.”

“What should I-”

“Do? Well, I’d like to have her evaluated for ADD, to make sure I'm not misreading things. If it turns out that’s a factor in the struggles she’s having in class, we’ll figure out what accommodations to implement and work from there.” He sips from the Capri Sun sitting on his desk, “you can breathe, Mr. Stern, nothing bad is happening.”

Stern sighs.

“I’m sorry, I had to leave work in a hurry to make this meeting and I guess I’m still a bit frazzled and tense. I was, uh, a bit of a goody two shoes in school. Guess I still get nervous having to talk to a teacher after class.”

“You’re certainly not the first. It'll be alright, I promise, and I’ll be in touch about the evaluation.”

After declining the offer of a Capri Sun for the road, Stern heads out to the playground, where he’d asked Aubrey to wait for him. Gets there just in time to see her and Jake being coaxed down from the roof of the play structure (how did they even get up there) by Barclay. The blush that accompanies the sheepish look on Barclays face would be charming, were Stern not exhausted and stressed. 

It all comes to a head a week later, when he arrives to pick Aubrey up and can’t find her. 

“Are you looking for Aubrey?” A child maybe a year or two older than his niece looks up from where they’re fixing their bike chain. The bike, like the childs jacket, is bright yellow.

“Yes.”

“Nurses office.” They point towards the front of the school.

“Shit! Uh, I mean-”

The kid waves a dismissive hand, “I’ve heard worse.”

When he skids into the nurses office, he finds Aubrey sitting on a chair as the nurse finishes bandaging her arm. Barclay is holding her other hand, talking to her softly while Jake chews on his nails between apologies to her. 

“What happened?”

“It was my fault!” Jake and Aubrey yell at the same time. 

“We were seeing who could swing the highest and then jump. I fell weird and -” Aubrey looks at him, then looks away with a sniffle. He lets his face soften. 

“It’s alright, Aubrey. I’m not angry, I was just worried that you got hurt.”

She jumps up, running to hug him. 

“It looks worse than it is.” Barclay says when he notices Stern taking in the size of the bandage, “Basically asphalt burn, like when you wipe out on a bike. Did good getting it patched up, she’s a tough little cookie.” 

“Be that as it may” Stern says as calmly as he can, “I think it’s best if you don’t play with Jake for awhile, okay Aubrey?”

“No!” Aubrey glares at him, “It’s not okay.”

“Hey, Stern, wait, one accident shouldn’t-” Barclay tries to put a hand on his arm and he smacks it away. 

“It’s not just one! This is just the first time she got hurt, but lord knows how many times your son’s put her in danger.”

“_Put_ her in danger?” Barclays voice has an icy edge to it, “Look, man, she choosing to do this stuff.”

Stern doesn’t say anything else, turns on his heel and tows Aubrey out to the car. She protests the way there, the way home, and at dinner. 

“But it’s not fair!”

“Life isn’t fair.” He replies, tartly, and winces when he hears his own fathers voice in his ears. 

Aubrey tosses her fork down and leaves the table in a huff, the door to her room slamming a few moments later. 

Stern falls asleep in his den that night, parenting books open in his lap, as he tries to figure out how to proceed.

He’s awakened the next morning by having a rabbit shoved in his face. 

“I have to be to school in twenty minutes.” Aubrey says, clearly still grumpy.

“Shit!” He rushes to change, skips his shower, curses himself for not thinking to set an alarm last night before he passed out. They barely make it to school in time, and he’s five minutes late to work. 

Hayes chews him out for that. And for his reports having, heaven forbid, three typos in them. 

That sets the tone for his whole day, and Aubrey is still furious with him when he picks her up.

“Mr.Cold agrees that you’re not being fair.”

“Mr. Cold does not get a say. And I don’t believe you.”

“It’s true! Well, he said he thought there was room for understanding and compromise, and that I should tell you how I feel. But he said it in a way that sounded like he thought you were being unfair.”

“Aubrey, please, listen to me” he unlocks the door to the house, “I would never forgive myself if something bad happened to you. And being around Jake seems to make it more likely that those bad things happen. So, until he matures and stops trying to fling himself off of high things, you can’t play with him.”

Aubrey considers him.

“You’re still being mean.”

“I am not!” He snaps.

“Are too! And I never want to talk to you again!” She dashes upstairs, door slamming once again. 

Stern groans, slumps against the couch.

“Nice one, Joseph. Nice one.”

It’s several hours later when he finally works up the courage to knock on her door, now complete with a hand drawn sign telling him to stay out.

“Aubrey? Firefly? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have raised my voice and…”

She’s gone. 

The window is open. It’s dark outside. 

And she’s gone.

\--------------------------------------------------------

Stern is a highly trained, investigative professional. He has a pretty good hunch where his niece is headed.

This does not stop him from panicking every thirty seconds, a feeling that worsens when he rounds a corner on Elm street and collides with Barclay, who is in a bathrobe and pajamas. 

“Oh fuck, Aubrey’s gone too isn’t she?” Barclay groans.

“TOO!?” 

“Jake’s not in bed. I poked my head in and he was just...gone.”

Barclays big, brown eyes are wide with worry, and it’s enough to kick the part of Sterns brain that’s trained to handle crises into gear. 

“Okay, okay,” he takes a deep breath, “if we were our kids, where would we go?”

Crickets chirp as they think. 

“The park?” Barclay offers.

“Worth a try. This way, right?”

“Yep.” And they’re off, running block after block, passing Barclays house in the process, neither thinking straight enough to remember to grab a car. 

A moment after they pass it, figures come around the corner and Barclay stops, grabbing Stern so he does as well. 

Walking down the block is a formidable looking woman, one hand holding the leash to an old hunting dog. Jake is riding on her shoulders, and Aubrey is holding her other hand. 

“Oh thank god.” Stern gasps as the group reaches them. 

“Evenin, Barclay. Took the old girl for a walk and found these two critters sneakin' towards the park. Think this one belongs to you. And I’m guessin from the look of heart-stoppin worry on your face, that this gal is with you.” She gives Stern a friendly, if gruff, smile. 

“Yes, thank you so much. I-” he kneels down, “Aubrey, I was so worried, I’m so glad you’re okay. C’mon, how about we head home and I can tuck you in.” He opens his arms. 

Aubrey turns, pressing herself against the woman instead. 

Stern collapses back onto his heels, defeated. 

“Thanks, Mama. I owe you one.” Barclay scratches the back of his neck, looking sympathetically in Sterns direction. 

“Eh, you and I always keep things even between us one way or another.” Mama takes in the two men, then looks down at Aubrey and up at Jake, “Y’know, these two were real chatty when we were comin back. Seems to me you two are due for a talk. Hows about I take these troublemakers back to my place for a bit, fix ‘em a little late night snack while you hash things out?”

“Sure.” Stern shrugs.

“What do you think, critters, wanna come back with Mama and have some cocoa or somethin?”

“Woohoo!” Jake yells, which makes Aubrey nod excitedly. 

“When y’all are done, you know where I’ll be.”

With that, she heads into the house next to Barclays, leaving the two men alone.

\-------------------------------------------------

“You want, uh, tea? I can make coffee too.” Barclay stands awkwardly in the kitchen while Stern settles on a stool at the island in the center of it.

“Water would be nice, thank you.” Stern rubs his eyes. All he wants to do is sleep, he doesn’t want to talk with some west-coast dude dad, doesn’t want his niece to hate him, doesn’t want, doesn’t want, doesn’t-

“How long have they been gone? Aubrey's parents, I mean.” Barclays' back is to him as he fills the glasses. 

“Did she tell you about them?”

“No, but I pieced it together.”

“Four months.”

Barclay sets the glass down gently in front of him, “That explains a lot.”

“Excuse me?”

Barclay sits down next to him, so they’re facing each other across the corner of the table, “How freaked out you are by everything. This is all still real fucking new to you.”

“I suppose…”

“I remember that. Feeling like anything I did was gonna fuck him up forever, that if he ever got hurt it would be the end of the world. How weird it felt to be going it alone in a world that assumes everyone has two parents. Like it’s all riding on me.” He takes a sip, and his voice is rougher when he says, “How if I lost him, that’d be like losing the last part of my husband. Which is funny, because we adopted and Jake was two when he died. But that doesn’t change the feeling.”

Stern draws his thumb through the condensation on his glass, the cool, smooth surface soothing him.

“You’re right. It’s, that’s what it feels like. Only I, I’m, they trusted me to take care of her. If I fuck that up, I fail everyone, her most of all. I don’t know what I’m doing and I _hate_ that I don’t, and that should never have come out at you or Jake, or at her, or” It’s only when he wipes under his eye that he realizes he’s crying. Barclay squeezes his hand once, comfortingly, before standing and grabbing a tissue box from the counter. 

“You’re very comforting, I can see why Aubrey likes you. And, and she does, and you’re really good with her, you’re better with her than I am-”

“Hey, none of that now.” Barclay rumbles softly, taking one of Sterns hands in his own, “I at least have years of practice. Someone chucked you in the deep end, not fair to compare yourself to me. And hey, I do need to be stricter with Jake sometimes around the dangerous stuff he wants to do. That learning curve is part of raising a totally independent, unique human. You’ll get the hang of it.” His other hand is stroking along the side of Sterns head, petting his hair down and it’s nice, so nice, and Stern leans into the touch because it’s just what he needs. 

“Here’s what I’m thinking: we got off on the wrong foot. How about we try again? Our kids are friends, we don’t live far from each other, no reason we can’t help each other with pick ups and drop offs and playdates and shit. Hell, Mama’d even get in on watching them, she looks after Jake whenever I have to travel for work or have a massive deadline. So, what do you say?”

“Sounds very sensible and” Stern yawns, “good plan. Like that plan.” 

“You falling asleep on me, agent?” Barclay smiles kindly at him and Stern desperately wants to ask if he can lay down in his arms.

“How’d you know I’m an FBI agent?”

“Jake misheard Aubrey and thought your first name, rather than your job, was agent.” He lets go of his hand, but continues stroking his hair, almost as if he’s forgotten he’s doing it.

“You okay to drive? Seem pretty beat, and I can run you and Aubrey back in my car if you need me to.”

“That would be wonderful, thank you.”

And so he and Aubrey ride home in Barclays Subaru, Aubrey crawling into his arms for a hug as soon as Mama opens the door and staying in them the whole way home. He steps out of the car, niece snuggled close, and shoots Barclay a sleepy smile.

“Thank you. For everything.”

“No problem.” Barclay grins at him, “Looking forward to our fresh start, Joseph.”

As his taillights fade away, Stern murmurs, “I’m looking forward to it as well.”


	2. Doing Our Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As they spend more time together, Stern starts developing romantic feelings for Barclay. But he's worried they might cause problems.

It’s easier with the two of them. 

Barclay can often pick up Aubrey along with Jake, sometimes as a planned thing and sometimes as a help to Stern when Hayes springs last-minute work on him. Stern takes Jake on outings with him and Aubrey, or lets the two run about the house, on the few days Barclay needs an empty house in order to work on his edits. 

They also do more together as a group, taking the kid to the library, the movies, or the park. While the two play, Stern and Barclay chat about work, about the latest cookbooks Barclay is editing, or Sterns frustrations with the close-mindedness of many of his co-workers. Barclay is as fascinated by Sterns early field work as he is by Barclays younger days hitchhiking and working in kitchens up and down the Pacific coast. 

All told, it’s been a good development for all of them. 

Sterns libido is working overtime. Barclay ticks so many of his boxes, from his skill in the kitchen to his gentle lumberjack aesthetic. During the last hot day of the year, they’d taken the kids to the pool. Stern was so distracted by Barclay, shirtless with his hair messy and wet, that he walked off the edge of the cement and into the pool without meaning to. 

He’s not going to act on it, no matter how the curve of Barclays smile or the rumble in his voice makes him want to drop his knees and do things that would make a porn star blush. That could jeopardize his having a cool dad friend, not to mention Jake and Aubrey's friendship.

He’s helping Aubrey with her science homework one night when the phone rings.

“Stern.”

“Hey, agent.” Barclays voice makes his brain light up with excitement, “was wondering if you and the little firecracker were busy Saturday?”

“No, no serious plans.” He smiles when he notices Aubrey is eavesdropping while trying valiantly to look like she’s not.

“I got some freebie tickets to the big fall fair, one of the restaurants I’ve helped out is hosting cooking demos and spotted me some as a thank you. You and Aubrey want to come?”

“I imagine so, but let me check.”

“The answer is yes.” Aubrey says before he even gets a chance to ask. Stern smirks playfully at her, speaking into the receiver, “okay Barclay, we’re in.”

\------------------------------------------------

“BUNNIES!” Aubrey yells delightedly. The fair has a 4-H tent, and she yanks Jake inside to go look at the various rabbits.

They’ve already seen the other livestock, the pumpkin carving contest, and the food pavilion. At that last stop, the kids had downed caramel corn and pumpkin muffins with alarming speed. Stern allowed Barclay to choose his snack and ending up with the best apple cider doughnut he’d ever eaten. 

Once Aubrey has told every single rabbit they’re beautiful and she loves them, they find themselves at the corn maze. 

Jake and Aubrey exchange a conspiratorial look before Aubrey says, “We should split up. Jake and I can be a team and you two can be the other team, and we’ll see he gets to the end of the maze first.”

Stern frowns, looking at the “hints” paper maze-goers can use to help them navigate, “I’m not sure. If you all got lost, or if we got lost for that matter, it might be really hard to find each other again.”

“See, dude, this is why we need phones.”

“I told you, you can have one when you hit middle school.” Barclay says patiently. Stern is busy weighing his desire to give Aubrey ways to take safe risks (and his own love a challenge) with the possibility of spending hours trying to retrieve her from a corn maze. 

“Oh, hello you two.” Says a lilting voice behind them. 

He turns to find Mr.Cold, bundled in a thick coat and bright yellow scarf, standing beside a sturdy looking man in an old bomber jacket and a shirt that reads “ Point Reyes State Park.” 

“Hi mister Indrid! Hi mister Duck!” Aubrey waves.

“Hey Aubrey, hey little dude.” Duck holds out a hand for Jake to high-five.

“Duck, this is Barclay and Joseph, Jake and Aubrey's dads, respectively. This is my husband , Duck.” He smiles fondly at the other man, who loops an arm around his shoulders. 

“That’s it!” Aubrey throw up her hands triumphantly, “you and mister Duck can come with us! Then uncle Joseph and Barclay can be on their own without worrying about us.”

“Hold up, Aubrey, seems like Mr. Cold and his husband are on a-”

“Hunt for someone who can help us solve this maze.” Indrid finishes before Stern can say anything else. He glances at the teacher just in time to see a knowing look, similar to the one Jake and Aubrey shared a minute before, pass between Indrid and Duck. 

Barclay looks at him, shrugs, “I’m okay with it if you are.”

Which is how, ten minutes later, he finds himself completely fucking lost in a corn maze. 

“Hrrm, perhaps we misinterpreted the clue.” He looks at the paper again, stiffens for a minute when Barclay steps behind him, resting a hand on his shoulder as he peers at the hints. 

“Kinda worried we messed up two back, neither of us were really sure about it. Hopefully the kids are having better luck than we are.”

They backtrack, and as they do Stern asks, “how did they both know Duck?”

“He comes in sometimes to do science stuff with them. And that field trip they went on last month, the nature hike, was to the park where he’s a ranger.”

“Ah, that explains it.” He contemplates the map. The corn near them rustles. Then the corn further down does the same. And there’s the unmistakable din of a Halloween sound effects tape kicking on.

“I didn’t think this was a haunted maze.” 

“Uhhh” Barclay pulls out the fair map, reads it, “it says here the haunted part starts at 5:00, and that only adults or kids wearing the orange glow-necklaces will be spooked.” 

Stern takes a deep breath.

“Barclay, I need you to know, I am terrible with jump scares. I like them, but I will likely make some very undignified noises if one happens.”

“You know you just said that within earshot of the people who are supposed to scare you, right?”

“Damn it.” 

Barclay chuckles, puts a protective arm around him, “don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone if you scream like a-AHJESUS!” He leaps back, pulling Stern with him, as werewolf pops out the corn two feet away. 

Stern laughs, turns to look at him, “shall we try solving the remaining hints while running very fast?”

“Good plan.” Barclay grabs his hand and they’re off, twisting and turning, Stern yelling directions. They get scared plenty of times, each one making them double over laughing at the others frightened shrieking.

They only stop running when they hit a dead end near what Stern is pretty sure is the end of the maze.

“Damn” he pants, “guess we need to go the other way.” 

“Think we might’ve made it in record time at that rate we were going.” Barclay is smiling at him. And he hasn’t let go of his hand.

“Yeah,” Stern steps closer, picking a stray leaf out of Barclays hair, “we make a good team.”

He should kiss him. The autumn light is fading and he looks so handsome and Stern is so _happy_ and he should kiss him right now. 

Barclay leans forward.

“WE’RE GONNA BEAT YOU!” Yells a familiar voice, and they both turn to see Aubrey dash past the opening they came through. 

Barclay pulls back, blushing, but keeps their hands together.

“C’mon, let’s go lose gracefully.”

\-------------------------------------------------  
The midway of the fair is lit up in a rainbow of garish colors, the smell of cotton candy and popcorn filling the air. They’re taking a spin through it on their way back to the car, when Aubrey stops, eyes wide. 

“Look” 

She’s pointing at a large, plush item. It looks like a cartoon fire with a friendly face, hanging from one of the water-balloon clown booths. 

Stern grins, hands the guy working the booth some money, and sits down at one of the spots. Feels very pleased with himself when the others watch in awe as he wins ten rounds in a row. 

“FBI training has it’s benefits,” he says, handing Aubrey the stuffed flame. As she hugs him, Jake taps his arm.

“Are you good at all the games?”

“Most of them.”

“Can you win me that, dude?” Jake is pointing to medium-sized, plush white seal at the ring-toss booth. 

“Jake, don’t be rude.”

“Don't worry about it.” Stern is already heading towards the booth, hands the man a few bucks. As he picks up the rings, Barclay whispers in his ear.

“They’re weighted, so you gotta throw up a little more than feels normal. Friend of mine taught me that.”

“Thanks” Stern turns as he says it, finds their faces close. Barclay winks.

He wins Jake the seal easily, blushing the entire time. 

Aubrey has that look on her face again; the one where she’s plotting something. 

“Now you need to win one for Barclay.”

The bigger man is now also blushing furiously, “uh, that’s okay kiddo, I don’t need anything.”

Aubrey ignores him, tapping her chin as she looks around. Then she points at the shooting gallery, the kind with BB guns, “Win him something there.”

Stern pays, lines up his sights; he knows they're are tilted to try and throw you off, so he corrects for that. He doesn’t do as well as on this as the other games, but he’s still far better than anyone else playing. He selects his prize, and turns to Barclay.

“For you.” He murmurs, handing him the small, cuddly Bigfoot plush.

“Thank you.” Barclay takes it, brushing their fingers together as he does, “Alright gang, let’s head home.” 

It doesn’t escape Sterns notice that he larger man keeps looking at the plush and smiling throughout the drive back. 

\--------------------------------------------

The house is quiet.

Too quiet.

At first, Stern was relieved that Aubrey was going to a slumber party for her friend Dani’s birthday. He hadn’t had a night alone since she moved in. The first few hours are indeed lovely and peaceful. 

But it’s only 6:30 and he’s getting antsy. He could read some more, or vacuum, or….

...or he could call Barclay. He knows Jake is at the sleepover too. 

“Hello?”

“Hello, Barclay, I was wondering if you had plans tonight.”

There’s a huffed out laugh on the other end of the line, “House too quiet?”

“Yes. It’s, uh, it’s alright if you’re busy.”

“Working on a new recipe to review for my food blog, so if you wanted to come over and chat while I do I wouldn’t mind.”

“Great, I’ll be there soon.”

He grabs his keys, then stops, turns, and runs back upstairs to change into a nicer shirt. Then he’s out the door. 

He’s hit with a wave of cinnamon and butter scented air when he opens the door to Barclays house. 

“Hey,” Barclay wipes his hands on the dishtowel slung over his shoulder, heads to the fridge, “want anything to drink?”

“Just water, thanks.” Stern smiles, settles on his usual stool at the island. 

“Recipe was faster than I thought, so all that’s gotta happen is to frost those,” he points to a dozen cupcakes, “and then do the same for the batch that’s in the oven once they cool. If you wanna stick around, was gonna order Indian food for dinner.”

Stern nods eagerly, sips his water. 

“Anything I can do to help?”

“You can help me frost, if you want.” He hands Stern a palate knife, sets a bowl of frosting and the cooled cupcakes between them. He watches carefully, tries to mirror Barclays technique.

“Was Aubrey excited for the party?”

“Yes, although I think part of that is she has a little crush on Dani. She re-did her birthday card four times, with varying amounts of hearts on it.”

“Awww” Barclay says, silencing the now-dinging timer and pulling the other cupcakes from the oven, “first crushes are so cute and innocent. Still remember mine. David Bryce, third grade. I thought I was gonna marry him. You remember yours?”

“I think his name was Kyle” he frosts thoughtfully, “he picked on me a lot. In retrospect, this predicted some of my adult relationships rather well.”

“Yeesh.” Barclay says, pulling out the take-out menu for Tandoori Flame, “You want the usual?”

“Please.”

He finishes frosting while Barclay orders dinner, is eyes his creations hungrily when the larger man steps next to him.

“You should try one. Always good to have a second opinion when I’m reviewing recipes.”

Stern picks up the nearest cupcake, bites it carefully. It tastes like the cream cheese frosting covered lovechild of a cloud and an apple pie. He promptly devours it. 

“Holy shit that was amazing.”

“Glad you like it! Uh, you got a little…” Barclay makes a wiping gesture around his own mouth. Stern wipes his with his hand. 

“Gone?”

“Nope, still there, other side, no, nope, almost.” Barclay is starting to giggle at his futile attempts to get the frosting of his face. 

“Help me.” He says, amused.

Barclays steps in front of him, swiftly bends down and then his lips are at the corner of Sterns mouth. His tongue makes a smooth, warm pass, and then his mouth closes, but stays resting on his skin. 

Stern must've shut his eyes at some point, opens them to find Barclay gazing at him with pure, unmitigated desire. 

He turns his head, bringing their mouths together and Barclay groans, wrapping his arms around him. Stern slips his hands into Barclays back pockets, pulling their hips flush against each other. When they pauses to breathe, Barclay cups his face, fingers stroking his cheeks.

“Joseph, I, is this alright?”

Stern kisses him again, licking his lips when he pulls away.

“Perhaps we should move somewhere more comfortable?” He purrs. 

“Couch” is all Barclay says before diving in for another kiss and pulling Stern away from the counter. Stern feels like he’s sixteen again, the pair of them clumsily navigating to the couch, petting and grabbing and holding each other like they’ll evaporate if they let go. 

Stern almost has Barclays shirt off when he collides with the arm of the couch and loses his balance, landing on his back. Barclay finishes the job, stripping the shirt away and _oh_ Stern had forgotten how the sight of that bare, broad chest short circuits his brain. 

Barclay smirks as he crawls on top of him, “You’re drooling, babe.”

“Am not.” Stern shoots back, drawing his fingers reverently over Barclays collarbone. 

“No, you’re not, but damn is it fun to tease you.” He dips down, biting Sterns ear with a growl. Stern moans, arches his back and tangles his fingers into Barclays hair. 

“Fuck, you’re so fucking hot. Ugh, sorry, gotta be more mature way of putting that.” 

Stern laughs as Barclay kisses his neck, “It’s fitting, I don’t think I’ve made out on a couch since high school.”

Barclay is fighting with the buttons on Sterns shirt, growling at them for not coming undone. Stern pushes him back a little so he can undo them. 

“Better? OH, Barclay, yes,” he gasps as Barclay trails kisses from his neck down his chest and stomach before lunging back up and kissing him harder than anyone ever has. He hooks his leg around him, urging him closer, making encouraging sounds when one of Barclays hands goes for his belt.

The doorbell rings. They both freeze.

“Must be dinner.” Stern pants.

“Oh, shit, right.” Barclay scrambles up, throwing his shirt back on. 

Stern puts himself back together, though he doesn’t bother smoothing his hair down or tucking his shirt back in. Barclay rattles around the kitchen for a minute, comes back to the living room with their food. 

They eat in silence for a moment.

“So” Barclay says.

“So?”

“So...that happened. I, uh, I’ve been wanting to kiss you for weeks now. Guess I read the signs right for once.”

“Very. I’m, well, I’m very fond of you, Barclay. And, in case it isn’t obvious, I’d like to climb you like a tree.”

“Isn’t that how this whole thing got started? Climbing trees?” Barclay teases, though his face goes serious at the same moment Sterns does.

“Do you think it’s wise? Us dating when our kids are close like they are? What if we, I don’t know, make things weird, or it upsets them or-” A soft, vaguely turmeric flavored kiss silences his worries.

“Joseph, do you want to give this a try? Us, I mean.”

“So much.” He whispers.

“Then let’s go for it. I’m sure there’ll be stuff we mess up, or there will be stuff that’s weird. But I trust myself, and I trust you, to figure it out. We’ll do our best, like we always do.”

Stern grins brightly, pulls him in for another kiss. When he breaks to breathe, he replies, “then let’s go for it. I want to be with you, Barclay, more than I’ve wanted anything in a long time.”

They finish dinner. The exhaustion of the week catches up to the, preventing further amorous activities, but they do end up cuddled in bed together. Stern falls asleep in Barclays arms, the other man pressing light, fleeting kisses to the back of his neck. 

They’ll make things work. They’ll do their best.

(They’ll also get well and truly “I told you so’d” and “finally-ed” by the kids when they pick them up the next day and tell them. But he doesn’t mind that one bit).


	3. Best Option

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aubrey catches a bug, Stern makes a selection, and Barclay takes a bath.

Given that he can’t read the writing on the menu in his hand, Stern is fairly certain this is a dream.

But oh, what a dream it is.

Barclay is across from him, dashing in a full suit and tie, even as the restaurant around them changes color, decor, and shape over and over again. He takes Sterns hands, murmurs, “perfect” before slipping beneath the table with a tantalizing growl.

Stern opens his legs, certain of what Barclay is up to, but the table tips and the dream changes, fades into less and less clarity as he wakes up.

“Mrphmck.” He mutters into his pillow. 

“Uncle Joseph?”

He rolls over, finds Aubrey standing in the door, backed by the soft glow of the hall nightlights. His white noise clock reads 4:55 am.

“Everything okay, firefly?”

“I don’t feel good.”

He slips out from under the covers, kneels down to feel her forehead.

“Hmm, I think you may have a fever. Let’s get you into the bathroom so I can check.”

The thermometer reads 99.5. He worries his lip. 

“Well, you’re not going to school, that’s for sure. Come on, let’s get you back into bed and bundled up.” 

His niece walks like a tiny zombie, swaying and bleary eyed, back to her room. Stern folds back the firework patterned blankets and she nestles under them. 

“I’ll go get you some water. Dr.” he addresses the white rabbit, currently regarding him with annoyance for awakening it when he switched on the light, “you keep an eye on her while I’m gone.”

Aubrey giggles, weakly. Once she’s set with water, blankets, and several stuffed creatures (a dragon, a phoenix, a red and black salamander, and the flame Stern won her), Stern tells her to try and rest. 

“Are you gonna stay home too?”

He nods, “you’re sick. I’ll call in to work first thing and let them know that today, my only job is taking care of my little firefly.”

\---------------------------------------------

“You’re coming in, and that’s final.”

Stern looks up at the ceiling, as if the Spackle might give him strength, before replying, “Agent Hayes, with all due respect, I do have PTO I can take as needed. Caring for an ill family member is a logical thing to take it for.”

“PTO or not, you also have several major reports that need your supervision if they’re to be done in time. And it would not reflect well on you to be absent at such a stage.”

“Sir, she is eight, I can’t just leave her here alone.”

“I would hope,” Hayes says with breezy menace, “that an agent with such standing as yourself can come up with a way to arrange care for a single child. I will see you at nine, Stern.”

He stares at the dark screen on his phone.

“Prick.” He says to his reflection. What the hell is he supposed to do? He’s never hired a babysitter for Aubrey, so has no contact for one on hand, Mama is out of town, so that leaves…

He dials a new number.

“Hey, babe.”

He allows himself a moment to revel in the sleepy baritone before remembering he’s bordering on a panic attack, “Hi, baby, uh, I have a favor to ask and, uh, you know what, no, this is silly, I’m sure I can find someone else so you don’t have to.”

A beat of silence, then, “Aubrey catch the bug too?”

“Yes.”

“Jake’s in the same boat. Guessing it’s one of those ones that just kinda runs through a whole class of kids. Can’t you get the day off?”

“I tried, but it was suggested that doing so would be unwise.”

Barclay makes a low, disapproving noise before continuing, and Stern can picture the accompanying frown, “I can watch her babe, no problem. Guessing both of them will sleep most of the day.”

“You’re a lifesaver.” He could kiss the phone he’s so relieved.

“Nah, just a guy who doesn’t have an asshole for a boss. But you gotta promise me that if you get sick too, you’ll take the day of so I can look after you.”

“Only if you agree to the same if you get sick.”

“You got, handsome.”

\------------------------------------------------------------

“Y’know, I was mostly joking.” Barclay rolls over, groans as every joint in his body aches like he just ran a marathon.

“Well, I wasn’t.” Stern adds another blanket to the bed, “Besides, you got sick because I dumped Aubrey on you.”

“Or, y’know, from my own, also sick kid.”

“......True. All the same, I’m sorry this is how you’re spending your Saturday.”

“Not all bad, I’m spending it with you.” He smiles.

“That’s just the fever talking.” Stern teases. He’s in a white shirt from “MonsterMart, Fouke, AR” and faded jeans, and Barclay wonders how anyone so handsome could ever have been single for more than ten minutes.

He should ask Stern to get into bed with him, cuddle up like a warm, nerdy, sexy body pillow who can keep him safe in case UFOs attack. Or when the Llamas finally realize they have the upper hand over humans.

Hmm, okay, maybe he is pretty feverish.

“Could you, uh, get me some Tylenol or something?”

“Of course.” Stern disappears into the bathroom, sounds of rummaging and worry fill the air for a minute and then he returns, “you have literally nothing in there that will reduce your fever. So, I’m going to the store. Do you need anything else?”

“Popsicles, please.”

“Got it.” Stern slings on his jacket, “don’t go anywhere.” He smiles as he heads out the door.

“I won’t, unless the aliens get me.”

A light laugh, “get some rest, big guy.”

\----------------------------------------------------------

Why must there be so many kinds of popsicles? Stern’s been staring at the freezer cases for five minutes, completely lost as to what kind he should buy. 

It’s just a popsicle, why does it feel like if he makes the wrong choice everything will collapse? Why is he like this?

Is this why he hasn’t had a boyfriend in five years?

A half whistled, half hummed song joins him in the aisle, followed shortly by Duck Newton. The ranger gives him a friendly nod before turning his attention to the freezer case. 

“Aubrey sick?”

“She was, it’s got Barclay now instead. Why?”

“‘Drid’s got it too.”

“Oh dear.”

Duck shrugs, “ain’t all that surprisin. He ever makes it through a year without pickin up a bug from his class, it’ll be a damn miracle.”

“I’m amazed any of them want this. It’s so cold out already.” 

Duck smiles, “Could be the next ice age and ‘Drid would still want ice cream. Man’s got a sweet tooth that’d put a hummingbird to shame.” All this is said in a fond tone. Stern wonders, idly, if Barclay sounds the same way when he talks about him. 

The other man scans the shelves, “When he’s sick, nothin soothes him like these.” He opens the case, pulls out the 48-pack of Otter Pops.

“I see. Those are what you’d recommend?”

Duck gives him an odd look, which shifts into a knowing smile , “Barclay’s a chef, ain’t he? Might wanna get him some uh, gourmet options, just to be safe.” He gives a brief wave and turns back the way he came. 

Stern weighs his options, and reaches into the case.

———————————-

When he gets back to the house, Aubrey and Jake are flopped in front of the T.V in their pajamas, though they seem to be talking more than watching. Aubrey is scribbling on a piece of paper. Judging by the number of hearts on it, it’s either a drawing of Dr Harris Bonkers, or of her classmate Dani.

He pokes his head into the bedroom and there’s a splash from his left.

“That you babe?”

“No, it’s the fresno nightcrawler.”

“Nerd. In the tub, can come in if you” he breaks off to cough, “ want.”

Stern steps into the bathroom, grocery bag still on his arm. 

It is at this exact moment that he learns Barclays bathtub does not have a shower curtain.

His boyfriend reclines in the steam, hair on his chest and arms damp and dark from the water. He smiles, sits up a bit and shakes drops from his shaggy hair. 

Stern tries not to stare the same way someone jumping from tree tries not to fall; he flails for a moment, and then fails utterly.

He's only ever seen Barclay shirtless, their moments of privacy too fleeting for anything else. Every part of him is big, from his broad shoulders to his strong legs to his huge-

“Babe?”

“What? Oh, sorry, got a bit distracted.”

Barclay’s smile suggests he knows exactly how that happened. 

“Here, I wasn’t sure which type of popsicle you’d like best so I bought these.” He pulls the stack of six boxes from the bag, holds them out in a precarious tower. 

“Oh damn, those magnums? I love those.” Barclay grabs the top box, opening it eagerly. 

“Won’t be the only kind of Magnum I buy for you, it seems.” Stern murmurs. 

Barclay pauses mid bite, and grins at him, “trust me, if I didn’t feel like death warmed over, I’d invite you to join me so you could, uh, get dirty while you cleaned up.”

Stern laughs, kneels down and rests his elbows on the edge of the tub, “glad we’re on the same page, big guy.” He kisses Barclays shoulder, rests his head on it with a sigh.

“Joseph, can I ask you something?”

He nods

“Why’d you buy so many popsicles?”

“I can’t tell you, you’ll think I’m being silly.”

“So? Yesterday you walked in on me singing along to “Call Me, Maybe. We’re well past trying to pretend we aren’t silly.”

“Firstly, Carly Rae Jepsen is the greatest musician of our era. But, secondly, I…” he looks at his hands, “I was afraid I’d get you the wrong thing and you’d be mad at me.”

“Mad? Babe, they’re popsicles.”

“I _know_, that’s why I feel so ridiculous. But some days I just can’t shake the feeling that one wrong move will bring everything down around me.”

A warm, wet hand closes around his, “Joseph, I don’t expect you to be some infallible human. Way I see it, you’ll fuck up sometimes. I will too. And pretty much none of those fuck ups are ever going to be a matter of life or death.”

“I know, it’s just, it’s exhausting being inside my head like this, I can only imagine how exhausting you must find me.” He whispers. 

“Hey” Barclay tips his chin up so they’re looking at each other, “yeah, sometimes you get a little perfectionistic, or I worry that you’re gonna stress yourself to death over some small thing.”

“Like popsicles” he grumbles.

Barclay smiles, “yeah. But also know I have a bunch of less than perfect things about me too. All I need from you is to promise me that you’ll believe me when I say I like being with you, imperfect parts and all, and not stress over thinking you have to do every single thing right in order for me to care about you."

Stern exhales deeply, “I think I can manage that.”

Barclay leans over and kisses his temple before settling back into the tub.

“I need to run those to the fridge” Stern points to the other boxes, “but once I'm done would you like me to keep you company in here?”

Barclay nods with a sleepy smile and says, “Can’t think of anything I’d like better.”


	4. (Not the) Best Timing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stern yearns. Barclay plans. Mama helps out.

Stern loves his niece. He loves his niece, and his job, and his hobbies, and taking his niece to play with friends, including Jake.

But so help him god, if he gets cockblocked by any of those things or people even one more time, he is going to explode and leave behind nothing but ashes. Horny, frustrated ashes. 

At first he felt guilty, convinced himself that Barclay was clearly doing a much better job of pushing down his desires.

Then, a few days ago, he’d been grabbing silverware from the kitchen when strong hands bracketed him against the counter, Barclay rolling his hips against him.

“As soon as we have ten minutes to ourselves, I’m gonna fuck you so hard you forget your name.”

“Oh lord.” By the time he turned for a kiss, Barclay was on the other side of the kitchen, grabbing glasses and disappearing back into the living room. 

He developed elaborate plans for how to get Barclay alone for ten minutes that night, had broadcasted them quite clearly, only for Hayes to call and demand to talk to him about something that could have waited until the morning. 

“I’m gonna kill that guy.” Barclay groaned

“Not if I get to him first.” Stern added.

His libido is somewhat quieter tonight, mainly because they’re all busy preparing for Thanksgiving. Or, more accurately, the massive dinner that Mama throws for anyone and everyone who hates the holiday (such as Barclay) or is trying to avoid their families during it. Mama provides the house, the bonfire, and the drinks, and Barclay cooks. 

They’re gathered in Barclays house. Mama writes out a shopping list as Barclay dictates, a half dozen cook books open in front of him, while Stern inventories their spices and staple ingredients. 

The door bursts open as Aubrey and Jake barrel inside, followed by Arlo Thacker. Stern had initially assumed Thacker was Mama’s husband, but quickly discovered that the pair were simply good friends who had settled on buying a house together. 

“You two didn’t give Arlo any trouble did you?” Mama doesn’t look up from her notepad.

“No” they shake their heads in unison as they grab juice from the fridge.

“Naw, weren't any more squirrely than usual when I picked ‘em up.” He leans against the counter. 

“Did Mr.Cold do anything to celebrate the holiday in class?” Stern asks from inside the pantry.

“We read stories about the olowhee.”

“I don't think that's the word” Aubrey says before chugging another bottle of apple juice. 

“_Ohlone_” Barclay smiles at his son “they were the people who lived here before the English and the Spanish turned up.”

“Mr. Indrid said it was important to focus on the stories of the people who were here before the first Thanksgiving. Also he brought cornbread.”

“Good man.” Barclay looks up, “Okay Mama, I think that’s it.”

“Right, lemme just get my coat and we’ll go on the big grocery run.”

Stern glances at Barclay; he’s wearing his reading glasses, making him look like every professor Stern lusted after in college with some bonus muscle. Barclay catches his eye before staring pointedly at his ass. 

“Y’know” Mama says, making them both jump and blush, “think I’m gonna need a lot of helpin hands on this one. Wouldn’t you say so, Arlo?”

“Indeed I would.” The grey haired man smiles. 

She looks at Jake and Aubrey, “what do you think, critters, wanna help us get ready for the big dinner tomorrow?”

“Hmmmmmm” the kids look at each other.

“Let you each get one of them big sugar cookies.”

“WOOHOO!” Both scramble for the door, putting on their shoes. Mama and Thacker follow, Barclay stopping in the kitchen door and Stern watching from behind him. 

“Guessin we’ll be at least half an hour, probably more given what day it is. Yeah, come on now, follow Arlo.” She shoos them out the door, pops on her hat, and turns, “oh, and don’t worry, we’ll knock before comin in when we get back.”

She winks, and shuts the door. 

“God bless that woman.” Barclay whirls as Stern steps towards him, growling and yanking the shorter man into a kiss. 

“Bed, now.” He murmurs as Barclays hands rove across his body,

“Yessir.” Barclay tugs his lip between his teeth.

“No need for formalities, ohOH.” Barclay pulls his sweater to the side, bites at his shoulder as they stumble backwards. 

“Fuck, babe, baby, oh you taste so fucking good.” Barclay is leaving no skin un-kissed, licking and sucking and biting like Stern is the last thing he’ll ever taste. Stern tugs at his flannel shirt, groaning when he manages to dig his fingers into that warm, strong back.

His heel hits the first stair and he stumbles, tries twice to step up and only wobbles worse. On the third time he overbalances. 

Barclay steadies him, growls, “fuck it” and brings them in a controlled tumble onto the ground. Stern lands on the second step, Barclay already undoing his pants. He makes short work of the button Barclays jeans and the latch on his belt. Huffs in frustration when his boxers prevent access to his half-hard cock. 

“I’ve just decided underwear is a menace toAH” Barclay yanks Sterns pants and boxer briefs down, and his hands thwack on the step in surprise. He manages to kick one leg fully free of the denim. His boyfriend adjusts his clothing the last little bit needed for his cock to be free. He pumps it into his fist with a moan, and Stern watches, rapt, as it hardens, long and thick and _perfect_. 

Barclay follows the line of his gaze, leers, “you want this, babe?”

“How could I not?” he pants and Barclay chuckles, kisses him sweetly when he wraps his arms around his shoulders. The kiss turns warmer, has them french kissing like teenagers in a dark backseat as Barclay hooks Sterns right leg around him. 

“You’re gonna wanna hold on.”

“Why? OHohhhhh” he hooks his other leg around the larger man as his cock sinks into him, “lord, Barclay, yes.”

Barclay whines, wiggles his hips in lieu of an answer as he braces one hand on the stairs. The other slips beneath the small of Sterns back, cradling him close and lovingly even as he thrusts rapidly in and out.

“Fuck, shit, babe, you’re so hot, goddamit why can I never come up with something, fuck, more poetic.”

“I don’t need poetry, big guy I, fuck, need you to fuck me, AH, ahhhgod.” The cock inside him gains speed.

Barclay’s head drops to rest on his shoulder “You have no fucking idea how long I’ve been wanting to hear you say that.”

Stern nuzzles his ear, whispers “fuck me, Barclay, fuckmeeehhohh, yes, _yes_.” He moans as Barclay rams into him, growling and groaning against his neck. When their lips connect again, he does his best to devour the man above him, show him how delicious every sound, each movement is, show him that he'll never get enough of him.

When Barclay pulls back he stays close. Their eyes meet and he smiles, which crackles into rumbling, moaning laugh. 

Stern laughs too, drags his tongue up the column of his neck, earning him a needy gasp and another laugh

“God, babe, yes.” 

It’s sheer joy in his voice, the absurdity of the two of them tangled together here, Barclays belt clacking against the wood and the base of his cock meeting Sterns body with wet thuds, that sends the laugh spilling out of him again. 

He pushes his knees open, digs his heels into Barclays thighs to open himself wider, let Barclay deeper. Glides his hands down to knead the tense muscles of his ass and urge him on, rolls his hips in time with Barclay's grunts.

“More, please Barclay just a little more.”

“Think I can, ohyeah, manage that, fuck, fuck_shit_.” Barclay slams into him a final time and comes, pulling out before he’s finished and groaning, “or I could come in thirty seconds like a fucking teenager.”

Stern laughs, “I’m taking it as a compliment” and draws one large hand down between his legs. Barclay gets the message, pushes four fingers inside him and thumbs his dick.

“SHIT, ohyes, yes.”

“Like that, babe?” Barclay is panting, limbs noticeably shaking with a need to go limp. But he’s continuing because of Stern, because he wants him to feel good, and that thought makes him moan, pull his boyfriend into the clumsiest kiss imaginable, and come on those wonderful fingers. 

He flops backwards with an exaggerated sigh, Barclay collapsing against his chest. 

“That, uh, that wasn’t exactly what I planned.”

“How so?” He murmurs, petting the strands of hair that came loose from where Barclay tied them back. 

“There was gonna be a bed, for starters. And, like, making out on the couch first, mood lighting, music. Y’know, buildup.”

“Barclay, we’ve had weeks of flirting with this moment. I think we’re all good on buildup.”

“Heh, never thought of it that way.”

“That being said, I would prefer to move somewhere else for any, uh, post-coital cuddling.”

Barclay snickers at his word choice, sitting back on his heels and redoing his pants. 

“I, ah, also need a washcloth or something.” The insides of his thighs are getting sticky.

Barclay stands up, wincing when his knees pop, and grabs a wet towel from the kitchen.

“See, it was a good idea for us to get tested so far ahead of time.” He wipes off the last of the come.

“That’s my special agent, always thinking ahead.” Barclay holds out his hand, helping Stern up once he gets his pants back on. 

“Lord.” He rolls his eyes at the nickname.

“What? That’s what you are. My” he drops into a parody of his normal baritone, “_special_ agent.”

Stern laughs, guides him over the couch. He reclines against the arm, Barclay resting his head beneath his chin. 

“That really was amazing, you know that right?” Stern nuzzles his hair. 

“Yeah? Glad to hear it.” The larger man gives him a love-soaked, sleepy smile. 

“Though it’s only fed my need to climb you like a tree at every possible opportunity.”

“Gimme a month to build up to it and I might actually be able to, like, hold you up when you climb me and fuck you that way.”

“God, please, I can’t afford to get hard again, they’ll be back soon.”

“Yeah” Barclay cuddles close, “already had to give Jake a little more screen-time than usual this week so that I could, uh, 'think' about you in private. Better not set myself up to do that again tonight.”

“Should we start on the pies for tomorrow?” Stern nestles deeper into the pillows.

“Uh huh,” Barlcay kisses him once, lazily, “ we get started in a minute.”

———————————————-

“Barclay?” Mama knocks on the door again, listens carefully, then opens the door, prepared to herd the others back outside if she hears certain sounds from elsewhere in the house. When none reach her ears, she nods, “alright, let’s start unloadin.”

Jake and Aubrey, slightly mellowed from wandering the vast grocery store, carry their bags in with great seriousness (they’re carrying only bread, marshmallows, and other things that can’t be damaged if dropped. Mama wasn't born yesterday). Thacker follows, three bags on each arm, and Mama brings in the rest. As she does, a soft snore catches her attention.

Peeking into the living room, she finds Barclay curled up in Sterns arms, both men sound asleep on the couch. After laying her bags on the counter, she comes back, grabs a red and black blanket from the nearby armchair and drapes it over them. 

She’ll wake them up soon, since they do need to get started preparing certain dishes for tomorrow. And the kids are bound to wonder where their dads have got to. But for the moment, she’s happy to stall and give them a few more minutes of peaceful, happy rest in each others arms.


	5. Searching for the Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stern plays a game. Barclay goes shopping. Indrid browses.

“I owe you yet another one, don’t I?’ Barclay hands Mama a twenty to cover the tickets and snacks. 

“You know I like spoilin Jake and Aubrey. Helps me live up to my name. But if you really feel like you owe me, you can bake some brownies for my poker night next week.”

“Deal.”

“Aubrey, you be good for Mama and Thacker. And please don’t set off flashpaper in the theater. Again.”

“I won’t.” Aubrey grins at him before hugging him. He ruffles her hair and then she scurries out the door and into Thacker's jeep.

“Back around nine, don’t get up to too much trouble.” Mama waves, swings the door shut behind her. 

“Don’t worry” Stern slips his hands into Barclays back pockets, rests his chin on his shoulder, “we’ll get up to just the right amount.

————————————-

“This is nice” Stern nabs a piece of chocolate from the cheese plate Barclay set out, takes the first sip of his mulled wine, “I had no idea your fireplace wasn’t decorative.”

“I’ve spent the last eight years raising a kid who sees everything as a chance to stunt; no way in hell was I gonna have a fire unless I was sure he wouldn't try to juggle it or some shit.”

They’re laying against opposite ends of the couch, large, pine tree patterned blanket spread over their legs. The fire crackles brightly, the white fairy lights glow, and a mix of lesser known jazz songs plays softly under their conversation. 

“Your turn.” Barclay pops some pomegranate seeds into his mouth.

“Hmmmm. Never have I ever….gotten stoned.”

Barclay laughs, “eager to see me naked, huh?” He strips off his red and brown flannel, leaving him in just his undershirt and jeans. 

“Not my fault only one of us was a goody two shoes.”

“Fine, never have I ever had sex in public.”

Stern doesn’t remove any items of clothing, sips his drink, “Never have I ever gotten a speeding ticket.”

Barclay stays still, “no way in hell was I increasingly the odds of getting pulled over. Never have I ever gotten detention.”

Stern pulls off his sweater.

“Really?”

“I had a teacher who was very fond of harassing members of the GSA. I got into with him during class on multiple occasions.”

“That’s my man.” Barclay rumbles. 

“Never have I ever given a blow job in front of a fire”

Barclay discards his t-shirt, arches an eyebrow, “got a feeling you picked that one for a reason.”

“Indeed.” Stern sets down his mug, begins crawling forward, “if you’re ah, _up_ for it” 

“You come here and I’ll get there real qu-”

_Bzzzz bzzzzzz bzzzzz_

Both men look for their phones. Sterns is the one ringing. 

For a moment he considers not answering. 

Then he holds up a finger to signal “one moment” and heads into the kitchen.

“Stern.”

“Agent Stern, why was Agent Fields not appropriately briefed on the Flatwoods mission?”

“He was, sir. By, ah, Agent Franklin.”

“I seem to recall assigning you to that task.”

“You...didn’t.” Stern takes a deep breath to avoid tacking on that there’s little he can do about it either way, given that he’s at home and it’s the weekend.

“You will rebrief him on Monday. Understood?”

“Y-” is all Stern gets out before the call ends. 

He glares at the phone. He’d like to say that, if there wasn’t Aubrey to worry about, he’d shut the damn thing in a closet and let Hayes wait. 

But he knows that’s a lie.

“Sorry, I foolishly assumed that was an emergency…..oh good lord.”

His boyfriend is down to his boxers reclining atop a fluffy blanket on the floor near the fire. He’s propped on his side, in a pose that’s pure cheesecake and Stern wants to lick every line of muscle, caress every curve and angle. 

“Hi” Barclay grins.

“Hi.” Stern echoes, kneeling onto the blanket. Barclay rolls over, meaning Stern is now situated between his spread legs.

“C’mere.” He crooks a finger and Stern straddles him, kisses him as soon as he’s able. Barclay moans, grabs Sterns ass with both hands as he rolls his hips against him. It’s so warm, pressed skin to skin like this, so intimate. He doesn’t want to break the embrace.

But something solid and insistent draws his attention, and he begins shifting back down Barclays torso, kissing a line from his collarbone to his navel. 

“May I?” He draws his thumb back and forth across the outline of Barclays cock

“Please, please do.” 

Stern pulls the boxers down, drags his tongue from the base to the tip, reveling in the surprised moan he gets in response. He keeps his right hand at the bottom of the shaft, brings the head into his mouth and sucks a few times, pulls back and teases the slit.

Then he dives halfway down and Barclay yelps, barely avoids shoving his cock too far. A laugh catches in Sterns throat as he bobs his head, sucking hardest whenever he moves up, relaxing to take a little more each time he slides back down.

“Fucking-A, you’re so good at that.” Barclay has one arm thrown across his eyes. 

Stern huffs, draws back enough to say, “I said I’d never done this in front of a fire. That leaves many places where I _have_ done it.”

“Shit,” he cups his cheek when he takes his cock between his lips again, “did my perfect cocksucker get around ?”

Stern hums, delighted by the turn their dirty talk is taking.

“Mmmm, lucky me, getting to benefit from how bad you needed cock.”

This time he moans, tries to get his pants undone with his one free hand. When that fails, he rubs his dick through the denim.

“Shit, is this really turning you on?”

He nods, sucks harder. 

Barclay chuckles, strokes his face, “guess I should tell you that I’ve been dreaming about fucking your face for weeks.”

Stern raises his head “As nice a thought as that is” he kitten-licks the head as he speaks, Barclay bucking and twitching in his grasp, “tonight I control the pace.”

“Whatever you want, babe, fuck, shit, _shit_, if that’s the case, you better decide if you wanna swallow or not really fucking soon.”

Stern hums, redoubles his efforts, presses down on Barclays hips to keep him from going too far.

“Yeah, ohyeah, babe, Joseph, c’mon, c’mon please, that’s it, Joseph_ah_” Barclay arches, thumps his left hand on the floor, coming in Sterns mouth with a broken groan. Stern swallows, misjudges the amount slightly, and come trickles down his lips. He must look so messy.

“Oh my fucking god that’s hot.”

“Glad you, ah, like it, oh.” He digs the heel of his palm against his dick, squeezing his eyes shut. Which means he doesn’t see Barclay move, gasps when he pulls him down onto the blanket and rolls on top of him. 

“Want me to take care of you?”

“You don’t have to I, I can manage.”

“And what if you didn’t have to just ‘manage?’” Barclay rumbles, bumping their noses together, “and you could tell the guy who’s fucking dying to make you feel good what you wanted?”

“....please suck me off.”

“Hell yeah.” He makes quick work of Sterns remaining clothes, drops to his stomach and slides his hands down to cup Sterns ass. His mouth is on him in an instant, tongue teasing up and down as he adjusts his grip.

“Oh that’s, that’s very good.”

“Thanks” Barclay purrs, teasing the end of his dick with his tongue, “got around a lot when I was younger. With uh, all kinds of people.”

“And you had the nerve, oh ,to tease me about my past.” Stern grins, arches when Barclay sucks his dick a few times.

“You wanna keep bantering, smart guy, or you wanna get off?” Barclay growls, sending a blush racing up Sterns neck and face.

“The second option, pleaseOHplease, _yes_, Barclay.” The other man is now sucking relentlessly, skates one hand down to rub two thick, skillful fingers against his folds. 

“I like where this is goING, gah, yes” The fingers press inside, curving just right. He’s close to coming already, focuses on the way Barclay pants and licks and moans, as if he wants to devour him whole and lick the plate clean. 

“Fuck” he whimpers, coming with erratic jolts. Barclay withdraws his fingers, but continues licking and kissing his folds and thighs gently as he comes back to earth.

A beard scratches his stomach as Barclay rests his cheek on it.

“You okay up there, babe?”

“Never better.” He sighs, feeling the truth of the statement down to his marrow. 

They clean up and return to the couch, this time with Stern resting his back against Barclays chest. 

“Whatcha thinking about?” Barclay trails a hand idly along his side.

“As much as I’d prefer not to be, I’m thinking about Christmas.”

“Aubrey's grandparents again?”

He rubs his temple with his free hand, “I know it's the right thing to do, inviting Jens parents to see their granddaughter. But I also know they’ve never been fond of me. I recall one blowup happening between my brother and them when they said at least Jen has the sense to marry the ‘normal’ brother.”

“O-kay, did not know they were that bad.”

“Yes, they are. But it’s important that Aubrey stay connected to that side of the family now that…”

Why can’t he say it?

“Hey” Barclay wraps him in a hug, looks over his shoulder so he can meet his eyes, “I get it, okay? After we lost Matt, thought I’d never be able to say the words ‘he died’ without sobbing. Jake barely remembers him, but I see him struggle to say it sometimes too.”

Stern smiles, sadly, “Anyway, I want Aubrey to stay connected to all sides of her family. And my parents are coming the day after, so at least I don’t have to manage the shitshow of those two sets of grandparent being in the same room.”

“Yeesh. Suddenly don’t feel so bad that my folks live way the hell away and can’t visit that often.”

“Yeah, yeah, rub it in.” Stern teases, kissing him, “Thank you, again, for offering to spend Christmas Eve with us so I’m not facing them on my own.”

“Don’t mention it babe. If we’re gonna deal with something tough, I’d rather we deal with it together.”

———————————————————-

Well, this is impossible.

He’s been to half the stores in the mall, and he still has no idea what to buy Stern.

It’s not that he doesn’t know what Stern likes. It’s not that he doesn’t have several ideas for gifts he could buy that the two of them could use the next time they tumble into bed. 

But this is the first present he’s ever bought him. It has to be perfect, because Stern is perfect. He’s perfect and he deserves flowers, and books, and candy, and-

“Dad?”

“Yeah, bud?”

“What are we, like, looking at?”

“We’re seeing if any of these books are something Mr. Joseph would like.” He smiles down at Jake, decked out in his favorite ugly sweater and snowpants (which he wears in spite of the fact it never snows in the Bay Area).

They’d come into REI to get Jake a new helmet, since the last once was a casualty of the great fire hydrant incident. And Barclay had wondered if Stern liked nature reading, or if he should get him some things for hiking, because they’ve agreed to start doing more outdoorsy stuff together. And now they've been here half an hour.

“Hi!” Jake waves and Barclay tuns to find Indrid Cold standing to his left, also looking at the books. 

Mr. Cold smiles, “Hello Jake, Barclay.”

“Hey, Mr. Cold.” Barclay gives a friendly nod,

“Please, you're not a student, Indrid is fine.”

Jake peers at the box Indrid is carrying, “why do you have a stove?”

“It’s Duck’s Christmas gift. His old camp had a very bad run in with an heron" he pauses, shudders, "so I’m getting him a new one. Thought I’d see if there were any books for his stocking.”

“We’re looking for a gift too.”

“Oh?” Indrid arches a dark eyebrow.

“For Mr. Joseph.”

Barclay is generally grateful for Jake's friendly, talkative nature.

Now is not one of those times. 

“I wasn’t aware he was a nature lover.” 

“He….might be?” Barclays voice creeps up an octave.

Indrid gives a short, thoughtful, hum and pulls a book from the shelf. As he looks over the back he says, “you know, when Duck and I first got together, I dreaded any holiday where gifts were involved. I was so sure I had to pick something that conveyed just how much I loved him, each and every part of him.” He puts the book back, picks up another, “The longer we were together, the more I understood they didn’t have to be big declarations of my feelings. Just something that made him happy, or made his life easier. Ah” he picks up a small waterproof notebook, “here we go, the cat ate his last one of these.” 

“Uh huh” Barclay says, only half listening, mulling over the other things Indrid said.

“Well, I’ll see you when school starts again. Happy holidays.” He grins, heads towards the registers. 

“Bye dude!” Jake waves again. Barclay waves along with him.

“Okay buddy, let’s buy your helmet and head out. After that we’ve just got one more stop….”

———————————

“You excited for tomorrow, firefly?”

“Yeah” Aubrey narrows her eyes as she arranges her stuffed animals, “are you?”

“Of course” Stern smiles, “we get to spend our first Christmas Eve together.”

“And with Mr. Barclay and Jake.” 

“Yeah” he sighs happily.

“And Grandma and Grandpa.”

“Yes, them too.” He keeps his tone light. 

Aubrey looks at him for a long moment, quirks her mouth and nose in the way she often does when thinking.

Then she smiles brightly, “Okay, we’re both excited. Night!”

He kisses her forehead, “Goodnight, love. Doctor." He boops the rabbit on it's nose when he walks past the cage.

He turns out the light, pads down the hall towards his room.

Tomorrow will be fine. 

It will be absolutely fine.


	6. The Best Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stern cleans up. Aubrey plays hostess. Barclay gets a gift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content note: there is some lightly implied homophobia in this chapter, in the form of someone implying growing up with two dads will make someone not normal.

Stern checks the oven, sweeps the kitchen (again), and looks over himself in the hall mirror. He’s in his best green dress shirt with snowflake patterned tie, slacks pressed and shoes shined. 

“Ta dah! What do you think?” Aubrey jumps out of her room, spinning around to show off her outfit. She’s in a black shirt with the read and black fingerless gloves Thacker knitted her, flame patterned leggings under black denim shorts, and her red doc martens. 

“I think you look just...” he should make her change, they’re going to think she's not dressed right.

No, fuck it, she looks so happy and he thinks she looks great,

“You look quite spectacular, firefly.”

There’s a knock at the door and she shrieks, “I’ll get it.” 

By the time he’s down the stairs, his in-laws are receiving hugs from his overjoyed niece. 

“Hello, Joseph.”

“Margery, Jon, nice to see you. Can I, ah” he watches Margery eyeing his decor with a frown, “get you anything to drink? Wine, water, I can make some tea.”

“Wine, for both of us.” Jon waves his hand, as if dismissing a waiter. 

Stern pours the glasses, delivers them to the couple sitting on his couch, “here you are. Give me just a moment and I’ll have some things for us to snack on while dinner is finishing.”

He gets down a serving board, lays cheese and crackers and jam out (he’s very proud of putting together something that feels so sophisticated), brings it in just as Aubrey is mid-patter.

“...and here they are, now free of each other.” Aubrey holds out three metal rings that were, moments ago, seemed impossible to de-couple. Stern sets down the board and applauds. The other two join him, unenthusiastic ally.

“What exactly is the point of learning all that?” Jon asks

“I’m going to be a magician!” 

“Sweetheart, that’s not actually a thing.” Margery pats Aubreys head.

“Is too!”

“Ah,” Stern comes up behind her, draping his arms over her shoulders protectively, “it’s an excellent way for her to practice problem solving and public speaking.”

“Hmm” Jon huffs.

“Aubrey, how about you take your grandparents upstairs to see Dr. Harris Bonkers.”

She perks back up, dragging her relatives towards the staircase.

Stern ducks into the kitchen, takes a deep breath.

_Bzz bzz_

_Barclay: Running behind, dessert took a little longer than planned. _

Damn it.

He steps to the staircase, Aubreys voice carrying as she describes Dr. Harris Bonkers various adventures. Beneath her voice, he hears Jon say, “couldn’t he get her a normal pet.”

Back into the kitchen he goes, searching for the wine bottle. He checks the turkey, takes a sip, grips the sink and remembers a previous Christmas.

_“Honestly” Jonah hands him a dish to dry, “they were the picture of doting grandparents until Aubrey started to express the fact she was, you know, a unique person and not a mini-me of Jen.”_

_“Don’t they-”_

_“Disapprove of Jen’s life choices? Yes indeed. Maybe they were hoping conformity skipped a generation and would end up in Aubrey” his brother sighs, resting his hands in the soapy water, “I just want her to grow up with lots and lots of adults who she can look up to, adults who love her no matter what she’s like.”_

_“Mom and dad will dote on her even if she sprouted wings and started breathing fire. And hey, she’s got a really awesome mom.” Stern elbows Jonah with a smirk, “Her dad’s not half bad either.”_

Stern claps a hand over his mouth, draws in a shaky breath. 

The doorbell rings and he starts, knocking his glass to ground, where it promptly shatters.

“_Shit_. Uh, come in!”

“What’s up dudes!”

“Jaaaake, Baclayyyyyyy” Aubrey yells, running down the stairs.

“Whoah, easy, lemme just put down my precious cargo and then I can hug you” Barclay steps into the kitchen, spies Stern furiously sweeping glass into a dustpan.

Wordlessly, he sets down the pie tins, opens the loaf of bread on the counter, pulls out a slice, and hands it to Stern.

“Helps pick up all the tiny shards, so you don’t find ‘em later with your feet.”

“You’re the best.” Stern presses the bread to the floor, finishes cleaning, and stands. 

“Nah, just broke a lot of shit in my day. This” he presents the two pies with a flourish, “is why I’m the best.”

Stern cups his cheek, kisses him softly, “I apologize in advance for how awkward dinner might be.”

Barclay kisses him once more and whispers, “we got this.”

They walk back into the living room.

“Dani’s got rollerskates, I saw!” Jake insists through mouthful of cracker.

“Jake, manners.” 

Jake swallows, continues, “you should get some too, so you can go together. And I can learn how to shoot the turkey.”

“Who even taught you that term?” Barclay helps himself to the cheese plate.

“Hollis.”

“Ah” Barclay and Stern say as one.

“Aubrey, did you introduce our guests to your grandparents?”

“They met Jake already. But” she stands, points, “this is Mr. Barclay, Jake's dad.”

“Nice to meet you” Barclay shakes hands, smile warm and welcoming and still able to make Stern starry-eyed. 

His boyfriend turns out to be remarkably good at small talk, drawing Margery into an involved conversation about proper biscuit making and listening politely to Jon talk about Cal’s latest football triumph. 

It’s only when he’s pulling the turkey out that it occurs to him that Barclay is being outgoing to spare him having to do it. 

Stern finishes setting out dinner, Jake and Aubrey set the table, and Barclay carves (“babe, I’ve seen your knife skills” “I’ll have you know Avocados are a common source of kitchen injury.”)

“So,” Jon asks as they eat, “how do you two know each other exactly?”

“We, ah, we met because Jake and Aubrey became friends.”

“Is Mrs. Barclay unable to come?” Margery asks sweetly.

Stern and Barclay share a simultaneous look of realization and horror.

“There, uh, there is no Mrs Barclay. My husband passed away when Jake was little. Joseph and I have been together...two months. Officially”

“I see.” Margery purses her lips. Stern is more concerned with the fact that Aubrey has caught on to the change in mood. 

The conversation goes stilted, neither of the men able to salvage it. Stern nearly cries with relief when Jon says, “well, Aubrey, guess it’s time for presents. Then we have to be heading home.”

“C'mon Jake, you and I are on dish duty.” Barclay shoos his son into the kitchen.

Aubrey’s first gift is a dress; pale pink, long, and one hundred percent going to end up covered in soot, glitter, and rabbit fur. But he senses her grandparents don’t know that second part. The sweater is similar, muted pink and unpatterned (unlike Aubrey's beloved, neon pink sun dress patterned with octopi.) Gift three is some leggings, all neutral colors. His niece is doing her best to express excitement and gratitude, and he helps her out.

“Those will be great for keeping your legs safe if we go rollerskating.”

“Yeah...yeah! Thank you grandma and grandpa!” Aubrey grins up at him, “I can wear them when we see Dani.”

“You talk about this Dani an awful lot. Is he a cute young man?”

Aubrey blinks, confused, “Dani’s a girl.”

Stern can sense a situation going south, a holdover from his field days. And he'd take any night in the dark, dangerous woods over what he sees coming.

“Aubrey, can you take all of your presents up to your room please?”

“Okay.” Aubrey gathers the boxes up carefully, giving Stern a worried look that, he realizes, she picked up from him. 

“This is what I meant” Jon mutters, “this is what comes of having Aubrey surrounded by this lifestyle.”

“What lifestyle?” Stern demands.

“You know damn well. She’ll never have a chance at a normal life at this rate.”

“She’s _eight_, and she’s happy here. I’m doing my best to make sure she grows up with everything she needs.”

“Like what, an ‘uncle’ who brings his boyfriends home for her to meet? I don’t know why Jen let that idiot of a husband talk her into-”

Barclays voice cuts in “I think it’s time for you to-”

“Leave.” Stern points to the door, pouring every ounce of professional steeliness into his voice, “you can think about me however you want, but I will not have my brother disrespected under this roof _within earshot of his daughter_.”

The couple stands, leaves without another word. The door slams.

“Did I do something wrong?” Aubrey asks quietly from the staircase.

“Oh no, sweetheart, no.” Stern hurries to her, and she burrows into his arms when he opens them, “your grandparents and I don’t always agree. And that’s okay most of the time. But there are some things I have to put my foot down about if our home is going to be safe for me. And for you. Okay?”

She nods

“None of that was your fault, I promise.”

She nods again and he strokes her hair, racking his brain for how to fix this.

“I have an idea” Barclay is standing near the couch, Jake close to this side and unusually still, “Jake, Aubrey, do you think you could pick out a movie for us to watch?”

Jake looks at Aubrey, clearly trying to gauge his friend’s reaction.

“Yeah. Buuuut I get dibs on the remote!” She bolts for the couch.

“Hey, no fair dude!” Jake dives over the arm with a laugh. While they’re distracted, Barclay guides Stern up to his bedroom. 

“Babe?” he straightens Sterns collar gently.

“God that was a disaster”

“I mean, yeah.”

“Helpful.”

“But you didn’t cause it. You were trying to do the right thing, letting them see her. But they don’t get to come into this house and make it miserable for you.”

“I’m sorry you had to deal with them, it never occurred to me that they might not have known I was gay.”

“Look, I’m not gonna say it was fun, but I’m glad I was here.”

Stern leans in, kissing him, hoping that says what he needs it to.

Barclay pulls him close, keeps kissing him slowly and steadily.

“C’mon, let’s go back down. Five bucks says Aubrey talked Jake in to _A Muppet Christmas Carol_. Again”

“It’s not my fault my niece inherited my impeccable taste in films.”

“It is a classic.” he loops his arm around Stern as they walk towards the stairs, “though the company makes it even better.”

————————————————-

“.......it’s always best to sit by the window on long flights, oh, Lil, remind me to get my actual shoes out of the trunk before we get there. Gotta wear slip-ons to make going through security in a streamlined manner.”

Stern smiles with fond exasperation at his father, turns up the road to Mama’s house. His mother makes much the same expression in the backseat.

“Honestly, Jim, you’d think we were on a military campaign they way you organize.”

“True, but who’s always grateful I remember to pack plane snacks?”

A laugh, “I suppose you have me there. Now, firebug, what were you saying?”

“I’m teaching Dr. Harris Bonkers how to stay in a hat so I can pull him out.”

“Is he getting the hang of it?”

“Not really. He keeps trying to eat it.”

“Maybe you need a bigger hat?”

“Don’t be silly grandpa, if it was any bigger I couldn’t wear it.”

“Ah, true, quite a dilemma.”

Stern parks the car on the street, herds his family up the driveway into Mama’s house (which she refers to as the lodge on account of the decor). Knocks on the door only for four separate voices to shout, “come in!” 

He opens it, cradling the drinks he brought , not entirely sure what to expect.

“Howdy Stern, lemme get those for you. Barclay! Where are we puttin drinks?”

“Table’s fine, Thacker.” Barclay steps into the hallway, apron coated in flour, toweling his hands off. He leans against the door and rumbles, “glad you made it, babe.”

“Ah, you must be Barclay. I’m Lillian, and this is Jim.” His mother holds out her hand and Barclay shakes it, does the same for his father. 

“Likewise.” There’s a sound of feet running across hardwood, “and that’d be my son Jake and his friend.”

“Dani!” Aubrey shrieks, then immediately turns shyly to her grandparents and says, “she’s my friend, too.”

“Nice to meet both of you” Jim offers his hand and Dani and Jake both shake it.”

“Critters! Those sugar cookies done bein' frosted?”

“No Mama!”

“Then get to it, you too Aubrey they could use your flair.” Mama shoos them fondly towards a side room, all hree giggling, before turning back, “come on, let’s get y'all a drink and get you introduced. Except you, Stern, told you’re needed in the kitchen. Now” she ushers his parents into the living room, “gonna wanna ignore anything Ned here says, it’s all bullshit.”

“It is at best eighty-five percent bullshit, Mama!”

“Like I said, all bullshit.”

Stern steps into the kitchen, finds Barclay putting the finishing touches on a salad.

"I didn't know Dani's family knew Mama so well."

"They used to live down the way, she was basically a stand-in grandma for Dani. Can you check the rolls, see if they’re brown?”

He hits the over light, peers in.

“They look almost done-oh, oh I see.” Barclay crowds him against the the nearby counter, kissing his neck, “you don’t need any help in here at all, do you?”

“Nope, unless you count help carrying stuff to the table. Just wanted a minute alone.”

“No complaints here” Stern loops his arms around his waist, “mmm, you smell nice.”

“That’d be the uh, stuffing incident.”

“Oh dear” Stern laughs.

“You sympathy is touching.” Barclay bites his ear.

“That’s not the only thing that’s touching.”

“Ack, hey, no grab-ass.” Barclay laughs into the crook of his neck. 

“You started it.”

"Like the sweater by the way. It suits you. Didn't even know they made Bigfoot Christmas sweaters."

Eventually they disentangle, join the others and gather at the table. Barclay’s made goose, an entire table of vegetarian options, and more pies than Sterns ever seen in one place. His mother talks happily with Thacker about bird watching, his father is fascinated by Mama’s woodworking. Dani’s family can’t stay, due to having other family to see, so Jake and Aubrey walk them out to their car, Jake teasing Aubrey mercilessly all the way back to the house. 

The kids do a round of presents after dinner, and Aubrey squeals excitedly when she unwraps the sparkly black and red cape her grandfather made her (“gotta have a cape if you’re a magician”) and the immense book of magic tricks from her grandmother. She’s been wearing Sterns gift to her all day; a black denim jacket, with pins he noticed her eyeing over the last few months. 

He’s on dish duty with his father when the older man says, “it’s weird, you know. Not being able to just send you and him in here to do this.”

“I know” he responds softly.

“Doesn’t feel real, still. Keep expecting him to call.”

“Yeah.”

His father glances over, “how is Aubrey doing?”

“She’s a tough cookie, but, well, she’s also an eight year old cookie. Sometimes she really wants Jen or Jonah in a way that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to meet.”

“You’re doing your best, son, I can tell.”

“Thanks, dad.”

“That boyfriend seems to be helping a lot too.”

Stern blushes, “yeah, he’s great with Aubrey.”

“I meant helping you.” His father smirks, raises an eyebrow,

“I mean, I, he’s an excellent partner.”

“Joseph, you’ve looked happier tonight than you’ve looked in years. Mom and I always assumed you’d stay single, be married to your work. Never bothered us, we figured you were doing what made you happy. But now I’m sensing maybe there was something missing and none of us knew it."

“I...I guess you’re right.”

“Course I am, I’m your father.”

“Yes, the father who my mother banned from navigating after getting us lost so often on car rides.”

“Ha! Fair point. Speaking of your mother, you realize odds are good she’s interrogating Barclay as we speak.”

“He’ll live. Besides, I already put up with most terrifying interview of my life when his grandmother commandeered the Skype call with his mom.”

Eventually, they finish the dishes and rescue Ned, rather than Barclay, from his mother (she’d asked him about his business model).

Barclay touches his shoulder, “can I borrow you for a second?”

“Of course.”

They step into what must be Thacker’s office. Barclay picks up a rectangular package, hands it to Stern.

“Merry Christmas.”

He opens it carefully. Finds a photo album with a black cover. When he flips to the first page, it’s a picture of Aubrey and him at the park.

“I, uh, remember you saying that you wished you had the time to print out and arrange photos of you and Aubrey, because, uh, you think digital copies aren’t the same. So, I, uh, since I took a lot of them, thought I’d do that for you. Got some from Thacker and Mama as well, since they take ‘em when they have the kids out on adventures. Also there’s a gift card to the coffee shop by your work in case this isn’t practical enoughMMPHMmmm,” 

Stern kisses his, keeps kissing him even as the larger man starts laughing. Stays with his head resting on one, broad shoulder.

“It’s perfect, Barclay. Ah, I suppose I should give you this now.” 

He produces a small box from his back pocket, hands it over. 

Barclay opens it, takes out the woven bracelet and holds it gently in his palm.

“I, it needs some explanation. One summer, Jonah and I got sent to summer camp and it was _miserable_. But, it had a class on leatherwork, and we both got really into it. And we got into the habit of making something, usually bracelets like that, for people who were important to us. Close friends, partners, Jonah actually wove a special one with a ring in it when proposed to Jen. I, I haven’t done it in years but this felt like the right time. The green is meant to be you, the blue me. I’m a little rusty but I hope you like it.”

He realizes he’s been looking down as he speaks, looks up to find Barclays eyes sparking in the dark. 

“Babe, it’s wonderful. I love it. And you.”

Stern swallows, makes sure he heard right, and says, “I love you too.”

Barclay slips the bracelet on, pulls him into a ferociously happy kiss. 

“That” he says between kisses, “is the best gift I could ask for."


	7. The Best Taste

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barclay tastes some samples. Mama holds a competition. Stern gets a letter.

Barclay’s hands are tied.

Or, more accurately, they’re cuffed. 

He wiggles his wrists against the velvety interior and thanks every deity and supernatural force he can think of that Mama invited Jake and Aubrey over. She's told the kids that she wants to see if they can beat Thacker in terms of who can stay up the latest on New Years Eve ("The man falls asleep at ten every year, I swear").

“Comfortable?” Sterns voice floats over from the direction of the dresser, and he turns his head in spite of the blind fold.

“You know it, babe.”

“Good” the bed dips and smooth, teasing hands run from his thighs up to his pecs, “mmmm, you look so good like this big guy, naked, tied up and all for me.”

His cock stirs at Sterns tone; he's using what Barclay jokingly refers to as his "special agent" voice. Its smooth, almost detached, but carries the promise that he is capable of handling whatever situation may arise. 

And every time he uses that voice, a certain situation arises in Barclays pants (he’d mentioned this with that exact wording on a date and Stern nearly choked on his water).

“Here's what we’re going to do. I’m going to give you things to taste. If you identify them all correctly, you’ll get a reward. Open your mouth.”

Barclay obeys, hums happily when he bites down on a Ghirardelli chocolate square. Identifies it as such once he swallows. 

“Good. Open.”

He does, misses slightly and his mouth touches crisp fabric. Stern’s wearing a dress shirt. Interesting. 

He parts his lips again, this time successfully closing them around a strawberry. He takes a bite, feels the juice dribble down his chin when Stern pulls it away.

“Awberry” he says as he chews. 

“Right again. Ready for the next one?”

He nods. Stern taps his lips with the cold back of a spoon and he opens them. But he doesn’t get the spoon, he gets Sterns fingers, covered in something sweet and soft. He licks them clean, keeps sucking on them when Stern doesn’t pull them away right away. When he does, Barclay whines. 

“Ah ah, be patient. Tell me what that was.”

“Mmmm, that’d be the Gran Marnier whipped cream I made to go with dessert.”

“Good boy.” Stern murmurs, “last one.”

The bed dips on either side of his head.

He smirks, tilts his chin up to try and reach what he knows is there. 

“Don’t get presumptuous, I could be preparing to pour hot sauce in your mouth,”

“I know it’s a hot something, baby.”

An amused snort and then finally stern lowers down and he laps gratefully at his folds.

“Ah! Ohhhhh” Stern grinds down gently. Barclay chuckles, swirls his tongue, presses and teases. Finds an angle and pressure he knows his boyfriend likes, is rewarded by a loud moan and the thwack of a hand hitting the wall.

“Yes, oh lord, like that.” A hand fists in his hair, and when he glides his tongue over Stern’s dick the hand tugs.

He gasps, bucks his hips up into the air. 

“Do you like that?” Stern sounds genuinely curious.

Barclay nods, sucks his dick with a pleading moan.

Another delicious tingle of pain runs through him when Stern pulls again. 

“That’s so good, so good, oh my look at you all wound up, mmm that’s very gratifying.” Stern wiggles his hips in pleasure, smearing slick across Barclays chin and lips. His own hips continue twitching uselessly in the air, but he doesn’t have time to give a shit about that; all he wants is to make Stern come. If he could only shift him a little, add some friction and a bit more pressure.

His hands twist in the cuffs. 

Stern “tsks.”

“Be patient big guy, I’m almost done oh _yess_” he grabs his head with both hands now, fingers twisting in his hair and making him yelp, “yes, that’s it come on, please, pleasepleaseAHhnnnn.” His hips jerk weakly and Barclay stops licking and sucking in favor of kissing, continues doing so to Sterns thighs until he climbs off him.

“Well?” Stern pants.

“Easy. The best tasting thing in the whole world.”

“There's no need to exaggerate.”

“Hey, I was a chef babe, i know a good meal when I taste one.”

Stern laughs, and Barclay can picture the eyeroll that goes with that sound.

“Well, since you guessed all four correctly, it’s time for you’re reward.”

“Wait, that wasn’t itOH_shit_” tight, textured warmth envelopes his dick. Stern laughs again, draws the masturbation sleeve up halfway before shoving it back down. 

“Damn, goddamn that feels good.”

“Oh good.”

“I wanna watch while you do it, pleaseGAH!”

“Hmmm” Stern jacks him off with the toy slowly, “I don’t think so.”

He lets out a plaintive whine, even as the denial has him thrusting up into the toy as Stern moves it. 

“I like being the only thing you can focus on.”

“But, ah fuck, you’d, you’d be that either way, please.” 

The toy is swiftly pulled off and he keens.

“You’re not in a position to make demands.”

“I’m not demanding, I’m needy” he whimpers.

“Semantics.” The sleeve is back, jerking up and down with ruthless efficiency, “do you want to come from this, Barclay? Or would you like to come while I fuck you?”

“Fuck me, oh my god please fuck me- what is so fucking funny?”

“The look on your face, big guy, you got so excited when I offered that.”

“I wonder whyAH, oh fuck thank god you’re always prepared.” He spreads his legs wider as Stern works one finger in. He must have had all the supplies laid out on the bed when they started. He gets to two quickly, Barclay panting and whimpering and positive that if he begs Stern to hurry it up, he’ll get reprimanded for being impatient. 

“Shit yeah” he groans when the third finger pushes in, scissoring him open as Stern works the toy with his other hand, stopping whenever Barclay starts thrusting too greedily. Then the toy and the fingers disappear.

“Ready?”

“Uh huh.

“Just one more thing.”

The blindfold whisks away from his eyes. And he swoons like a heroin in a fucking Victorian novel.

Stern is in his dress shirt and tie, and below that he wears only the harness with his (and Barclay’s) favorite blue strap-on. They picked out out together, Barclay liking the ripples and Stern liking that it’s curved (“for, ah, targeted stimulation” “babe, you can just say you wanna pound my prostate so hard I scream” “how is that any more arousing?”). 

His boyfriend is flushed, hair unstyled and softly messy, and smiling so lovingly that Barclay is this close to screaming “take me now.”

Stern looks down for a moment to line up the toy, then locks eyes with Barclay as he pushes in. 

“God_damn_ that’s hot, oh, oh fuck, Joseph, baby.”

“Yes, Barclay?” He replies mildly, even as he jams his body flush with Barclay’s over and over again.

“I, I need, ohhhhfuck, to, to kiss you, babe, please.”

Stern smiles indulgently, shifts down to kiss him unhurriedly. Barclay moans, kissing back hungrily, biting at Sterns lip when he pulls away.

“You make such endearing sounds when I do this.”

Barclay catches snatches of his own high grunts and whimpers as Stern snaps his hips, but he can’t focus on them for long. Not with the way Stern moans when they kiss, the way groans sharply with effort as he fucks him. 

“Joseph, I'm close, I’m real fucking close, I just need a little more-”

“Here” Stern sits back, grabs Barclays legs and pushes his knees towards his chest. 

He grips his thighs tightly, trapping him in that position and fucks him, grinning when Barclay screams, “FUCK!”

“Come on, big guy, come for me, let me see that wonderful cock of yours make a mess of you without me having to lift a finger.”

“Shit, shit, Joseph, babe, it’s so good, you’re so good, I love you, please fuck me, harder, _yeah_, like that.” The bed frame is clattering against the wall, his breath is coming shallow, every fiber of him is going taut, and all he can manage is a stream of “yes, yes, yes” in time with Sterns thrusts as he comes across his stomach. 

His legs shake as Stern carefully lowers them to the ground and pulls out. He leans over Barclay to unclip the cuffs, and as soon as he can move his arms he wraps the agent in a hug, pulling him down against his chest. 

“That’s one way to ring in the new year” Stern sighs.

“The best way.” He kisses the top of Sterns head.

In a few minutes, they’ll shower and make themselves presentable to go check on the kids. But he wants to savor this, this moment where the man of his dreams is safe and happy in his arms. 

——————————————-

Stern whistles as he unlocks the house, grabbing the mail on his way in. It’s January 4th, he’s had the most enjoyable holiday season he can remember, Hayes wasn’t on his case at work, and he’s taking Barclay out tomorrow night. 

He has a few minutes before he needs to pick-up Aubrey up from her girl scout meeting (she’s started at the one that meets at the elementary school, in no small part because Dani is in it), sorts through the mail to see if there;s anything requiring immediate attention.

Unfortunately for him, there is. 

He’s still staring at the letter as he dials the phone.

“Babe?”

“Barclay it’s, they’re, oh my lord I can’t believe this.”

“Believe what?”

Stern takes a deep breath,

“Aubrey’s grandparents. They’ve just informed me that they will be challenging my guardianship of her. They want to take her away.”


	8. Best Laid Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Indrid gets some visitors. Barclay draws a line. Stern gets followed.

Have you told her yet?”

“No” Stern paces back and forth in his bedroom, Barclay watching him from the bed with a worried look on his face, “I got in touch with some potential lawyers, and read up on my rights, her rights, and her grandparent’s rights in this situation.” He stops, turns, “Do you think I should?”

“You’re going to have to eventually. This involves her, and if they push it, it’d be even worse for her to be blindsided by it.”

“True.” He cards his fingers through his hair, “I’m hoping that if I make it clear I’m prepared to fight tooth and nail to stay her guardian, they’ll drop it in a few days.”

“And if they don’t?” His boyfriend asks softly.

“Then....then I’ll tell her. God, Barclay, what am I even supposed to say? ‘Don’t worry Aubrey, your grandparents think I’m unfit to parent you due to exposing you to ‘inappropriate’ lifestyles and are trying to take you away from the home we’ve made but I’m sure it will all work out?’ I have no idea if it will work out!”

Barclay takes his hand, tugs it once to indicate he should sit. He does, burrows into the larger mans arms, “Tell her what she needs to know and don’t make any promises? I dunno, that second part is always hard for me with Jake. I end up saying it’ll be okay even when I have no way of knowing.”

“I suppose it’s the best I can do for now.”

“You’ll figure it out” Barclay strokes his cheek soothingly, “I got faith in you.”

——————————————-

Aubrey isn’t on the playground when he comes to pick her up. And she can’t be with Jake and Barclay, since Jake had to leave early for a doctor's appointment.

He needs to stay calm. He’s totally calm. Really very calm. 

He really, really hopes Mr. Cold’s room is still open and harboring his niece. 

As he approaches the door, he finds it open, and hears Indrid speaking in an oddly formal tone.

“Aubrey, I believe you, but even if they are your grandparents, I’m afraid I’m not comfortable having this conversation without your uncle present.” 

Stepping through the door with a sinking heart, he finds Jon and Margery seated at Indrids desk, with an anxious looking Aubrey beside them. His niece seems to be inching towards her teacher, until she sees Stern, at which point she leaps up and runs to hug him.

“Hi, firefly, sorry I’m a few minutes late. There was some traffic due to an accident.” He looks at the couple, channels all his professional politeness, “I wasn’t aware you’d be visiting Aubrey today.”

“We want to see her report cards.” Jon says gruffly, jerks his head towards Indrid, “but this one wouldn't do it unless you were here. _Now_ will you let us see them?”

Indrid glances at Stern, eyebrow arched. Stern shrugs, nods. There’s a _click-clack_ of the keyboard and then the teacher turns his monitor. 

“Here is her most recent progress report. As you can see, she’s-”

“This isn’t acceptable at all.” Margery sniffs.

“I beg your pardon?” Indrid’s smile is icily pleasant. 

“Look at this! There are Cs and Bs all over the place, and only two As! What kind of habits are you teaching her? How is she supposed to succeed with grades like this?” This last bit is directed at Stern, who bristles. 

“She’s. Eight. She’s learning, that’s the whole point, demanding perfection of her now doesn’t make any sense.”

“I would add.” Indrid chimes in, “that Bs and Cs denote above average and average grasp of the material. Meaning that, all told, Aubrey is either right where she needs to be, or ahead. I have no concerns about her work. If I did, I would have met with Mr.Stern to discuss them.” 

Jon ignores him completely, points at the screen, “and what’s this?”

“That is a note of the accommodations I make on account of Aubrey’s ADHD. Her uncle had her tested under my recommendation, and she seems to be having an easier time in class now that we’ve sorted the diagnosis out.”

“What kind of PC nonsense is that? If she’s having trouble focusing and working, she just needs to try harder and learn to sit still. You can’t coddle her like that.”

“That’s enough!” Stern snaps, instantly regrets it when Aubrey winces.

“Tell me” Indrid’s voice is calm, but his smile is getting unnervingly friendly, “do you possess a teaching credential?”

“What? No.” Jon blinks at him.

“A background in special education?”

“No.”

“A degree in psychology perhaps?”

“Of course not.”

“Then” Indrid turns the monitor back around, “I suggest you not make such strong pronouncements about subjects on which you have such limited knowledge. Otherwise, people might think you’re a blowhard.” 

Jon turns red.

“Are there any other records of hers you needed to see?”

Her grandparents stand up and leave without another word, glaring at Stern as they do. When they're gone, he looks at Indrid.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. It’s far from the first time someone thought their hare-brained understanding of things was the same as my professional knowledge.” He picks up a box of tissues as he walks over to them, offers them to Aubrey. Stern looks down to see his niece take one, her face fighting to stay brave.

“They’re, they’re mad at you because of me.”

“Oh no” he kneels down, cups her face, “no, Aubrey, they’re, they’re…” he searches for the words. He had this all planned out. Unfortunately, his notes are sitting on his desk at home. 

“Remember how I said they and I don’t always agree? Well, one of the things we don’t agree on is who you should live with.”

“What?” Aubrey whispers

“They...think you should go live with them.”

“NO!” Aubrey throws herself against him and he holds her tight as she yells into his jacket, “I’m not living with them, you can’t make me, you can’t.”

“I won’t , firefly, I promise.”

(That much he can promise: if she ends up with them, it won’t be because _he_ made her).

“I wanna live with you, and Dr. Harris Bonkers.”

She’s crying, he can tell by the little hiccups joining her protests.

“Aubrey I, I’m going to do my best to prove to whoever I have to that the right place for you is with me. Okay?”

“Promise I won’t have to go?”

“I can’t” he whispers, “I can only promise I’ll do my best to keep you with me.”

She steps back, still sniffling, wiping her nose on her sleeve before taking the offered tissue.

“Aubrey” Indrid says gently, “in the top drawer of my desk, there are some fruit snacks. How about you go grab some and have a bite to eat while I talk to your uncle?”

“Okay.” She moves quietly over to his chair and hops into it. 

“They’re trying for custody, I take it?”

Stern nods.

“I see. I don’t know how much I’ll be able to help. But if they try to use her academic performance as ‘proof’ you’re not a suitable guardian, I will gladly set them straight again.”

“Thank you, Indrid.”

The teacher glances over his shoulder at Aubrey, lips quirking down momentarily, before he says, “I wish I could reassure that it would all turn out alright but alas” he shrugs, “I can’t see the future.”

————————————————

“Can you believe this?” Stern sips his coffee, nestles closer to Barclay on the couch. Jake and Aubrey are upstairs playing with Dr. Harris Bonkers (they’re teaching him to walk on a leash, or possibly ride a skateboard).

“I thought people only did that shit in movies.”

“The audacity of sending a private eye to watch me. I work for an agency with ‘investigation’ in the name. Did they honestly think I wouldn’t notice?”

“Maybe they’re trying to intimidate you.”

“Irritate is more like it.” He takes another sip, glowers, “all it’s done is make Hayes angry at me for ‘compromising security.’ Even though all the guy’s been able to do is follow my car to work, giving him the oh-so-classified information that I work at the FBI.”

Barclay strokes his hair, “You shouldn’t let Hayes ride you like that all the time. You’re good at your job, babe, the dude just needs to fucking chill.”

“I know I should push back more. It’s just, it all feels so tenuous. Even though I know it probably isn’t.”

“COWABUNGA”

Barclay and Stern look at each other.

“Shall we go make sure all children and rabbits are still in once piece?”

Barclay kisses him once, coffee-flavored and so domestic he could melt.

“Yeah, good idea.”

———————————————————-

It’s a known law of the universe that Fridays spent at work drag by at half the rate of any other day.

If one has something important that evening, they drag by at a quarter speed.

And on days like today, Stern is certain the second hand isn’t moving at all. 

He wishes time was dragging were because he had a date, or was taking Aubrey on an outing, after work.

But it’s because, at 5:30, he has to hand her over to her grandparents for the weekend. His lawyer advised him that letting Aubrey stay with them so she could actually speak to the difference between households would give him better footing if this went to court. 

He helped her pack her bag this morning, promising to look after Dr Harris Bonkers exactly as she does, down to the number of kisses on the head he gets before bedtime. 

It’s two minutes to five and he’s finally ready to clock out, already steeling himself for having say goodbye to her for the weekend. 

“Stern, where do you think your going?” Hayes is blocking the door to his office. 

“Home.” Stern says flatly. 

“Negative. You are staying here until the reports on the Rhinelander case are complete.”

“Sir, those aren’t due for another two weeks, and I have a family emergency that means I-”

“It means nothing, Stern. You know as well as I do that this job requires utmost dedication.”

“There is no point in my looking at that file now. I can start in on it with fresh eyes Monday.”

“I would argue that there’s no point in my employing an agent who can’t do his job properly.”

“I…” Stern frantically runs through the what-ifs, the contingencies, the odds. He shuts his mouth.

If he works fast, he may only be a few minutes late.

———————————————————

Stern opens his door at 6:30 PM, finds Barclay on the couch waiting for him. 

“Hey.” 

“Hi, I’m, I’m so sorry. Thank you for being here to help her.”

“Was on my way over with her as soon as I saw the text. Mama's watching Jake.”

“How did she do?”

“How do you think?” Barclay sighs, crossing his arms and leaning back into the cushions.

“Oh dear. It was that bad?”

“Yeah, it was.” Barclay’s voice is tight, tired “she thought you were gonna be here. __I thought you were gonna be here.”

“It’s not my fault, Hayes-”

Barclay holds up his hand, “Lemme guess: he cornered you at the last minute with something that he insisted couldn’t wait, and you caved.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?’

“Babe, you cannot keep doing this. Do you know how many times I’ve had to scramble, or had you blow off a date, because of this? Because I sure as shit do.” Barclay stands, walking over to him. 

Stern takes a deep breath, trying to maintain a level tone, “I’m sorry, I know I should prioritize our relationship a little more.”

“Spoken like a man who knows that’s what he’s supposed to say and is gonna do fuck-all to actually follow through.”

“Now wait a minute-”

“And if it were only me we were talking about? Fine, whatever, I'm a big boy, I can handle disappointment. But Aubrey needs you to be here for her. They had a fucking lawyer or caseworker or something here with them, do you know how bad it looked to have you gone and me having to cover for you? God, I was almost in tears because of how upset she was, and she was trying to be brave and I was trying to be polite and neither of us should have been in that position because you dropped the ball.”

“I’m doing my best alright?!”

Barclay crosses his arms again.

“Don't you dare give me that high and mighty look mister, ‘I've only managed this long because a competent woman is there to bail my ass out.”

“Don’t” Barclay growls.

“I’m sorry I don’t have the kind of life where I can drop everything at a moment’s notice, some of us are stuck working real jobs, not staying home all day.”

“_Excuse_ me! And where exactly would you be if my ‘not a real job’ didn’t let me come grab Aubrey every other day because you’re too damn scared to stand up to your boss?”

“I’m not scared! I’m realistic, there’s a difference! There’s no way to confront Hayes without putting my job, and therefore my ability to care for Aubrey, in jeopardy. It’s easy for you to judge because no one is hovering around just waiting for the chance to take Jake away from you. So stop fucking pretending you know what this is like!”

Barclay shuts his eyes, inhales deeply through his nose.

“ Okay. Fine. Fine. You wanna keep putting Aubrey second to your work, I’m not gonna stop you.” He pushes past Stern, grabs his jacket from a hook by the door, “but I’m sure as hell not gonna subject myself to the same treatment.”

“Are you...are you breaking up with me?” A hollow, cold pit opens in his chest.

Barclay pauses halfway out the door, “I don’t know, Joseph. But I sure as hell need a break.”


	9. Best Couple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stern mopes. Duck explains. Aubrey reads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content note: Stern is drinking as a coping mechanism at the beginning of this chapter.

Stern stares at his glass, takes another sip; it’s bitter, but that’s what he wants right now. 

Coming to a bar to drown his sorrows on a Saturday night was, in retrospect, not a good idea. Everywhere he looks there are happy couples, groups of friends. By being solo, he’s an outlier. A pathetic, lonely outlier. 

“Just the usual tonight, Dewey, thanks.”

He knows that drawl.

Duck Newton is sitting on the stool beside him, typing on his phone. He hasn’t seen him, and that should be his cue to pay his tab and slink away. 

But he’s not sure he could manage slinking. Or stumbling, for that matter. 

“Oh, evenin Joseph.”

Stern raises his glass in attempt to be cheerful, nearly falls off his perch.

“Whoah, easy now. Flyin solo tonight?”

“Yes.”

He watches Duck take in his half empty glass and the two empty ones beside it.

“Is, hic, Indrid not with you?”

“Nope, he’s got a paintin class tonight. He’s not big on places like this, tends to find ‘em overstimulatin. So, figured I’d take myself out while he’s off havin his fun.”

Stern groans, thunks his forehead against the bar, “Of course.”

“Huh?”

“Of _course_ you’re not hear because you needed a break from him. You two just, it, hic, it isn’t fair, you’re so happy and stable and hic, never fight, and hic, it’s not fair.”

Duck snorts, “Never fight? That what you think?”

“Yes, clearly.”

“Joseph, Indrid and I fight. I mean, we don’t argue as much as we used to, cause we've gotten better at talkin things out and thank fuck for that. But we still fight every now and then.”

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”

“Hand to god, I ain’t. You show me a couple that don’t at least bicker from time to time and I’ll show you two people who are due for the mother of all blow-ups.”

“Hrmphm.” Stern thunks his head down again. It feels right.

“Look, sometimes a fight means that a relationship ain’t gonna work out. But a lotta times, means there’s somethin that needs fixin. And you get to decide if you wanna fix it.”

“Thanks.” Stern replies, head still pressed to counter. 

“And you ain’t gonna be able to fix it four beers deep and miserable.”

“I’m aware. I just, it’s all too much.” He should go home, he needs to think, needs to sleep on it. But just the idea of getting home is insurmountable.

“You, uh, need me to call you a ride?”

“.......please.”

————————————-

Barclay moves through the kitchen on autopilot. He likes making Sunday breakfast.

He does not like thinking about how this is the first Sunday breakfast in a month and a half where Stern won’t be here. 

Jake eats his breakfast quietly, and Barclay wishes he was unscrupulous enough to lie and tell Jake Stern was just busy.

After breakfast, Jake heads into the yard, attempting to fix his bike like Hollis showed him. Barclay sits on the couch. Stares at his phone. 

_Barclay: Can we talk?_

He’d sent that message last night, gotten no reply. Which means Stern is either ignoring him or too angry to want to speak to him. He can’t decide which option is worse. 

_Bzzz Bzz_

_Special Agent: May I come over?_

_Barclay: Sure_

_Special Agent: Be there in 15_

Barclay changes out of his bathrobe, checks on Jake (grease covered, otherwise fine), and sits on the couch again, knees bouncing.

When the knock finally comes and he opens the door, Stern is waiting for him, holding a bouquet of peonies and a small cardboard box. 

And wearing his sunglasses.

“You, uh, I’m.” Stern holds out the bouquet, “these are for you. They are ‘I love you flowers.”

“Not ‘sorry I fucked up flowers?’”

“No.” He holds out the box, “this is the ‘I’m sorry I fucked up’ croissant.”

“Shit, from Batch Bakery?”

“Indeed.”

Barclay holds out his hands. Stern places the bouquet in one and the box in the other. Clasps his hands behind him as soon as Barclay takes them, back straight and mouth in a line.

“At ease, special agent. Take off your glasses and stay awhile.” The joke is the natural cover for his anxiety.

“I, ah, I’m a bit hungover. So they may need to stay on.”

“Oh.” Well, that explains the non-answer last night.

“Barclay I...I wanted to apologize. I shouldn’t have said what I did when we fought. And I should have admitted you were right. About Hayes. About Aubrey. About me.” His head is held high, but Barclay’s positive he’s looking past, not at, him.

“Okay. Apology accepted. But-”

Stern holds up his hand, “Please, let me finish. Admitting I fucked up and was wrong is physically painful for me.”

“My special agent? Hating be wrong? What a shock.” He teases.

Stern puffs out a laugh, “I know the apology isn’t worth much if I don’t change. But I intend to. For you, and for Aubrey, and for myself. If, if you’re” he looks down, “if you’re willing to give me a chance to prove I’m willing to learn, to get better, I would like to keep being with you. But if you’re not, I understand.”

Barclay considers him; the sunglasses making him look dashing even in the washed out lights of the kitchen, the way he stands like a man condemned, the fact he fought the brunch crowd while nursing a hangover just to get Barclay a pastry.

“C’mere.” He opens his arms, smiles, “Babe.”

He didn’t know Stern could move that fast. The tips of his sunglasses poke into Barclays chest as Stern buries his face against him, tucking his body as if he wants to disappear in the other mans embrace. Barclay rocks them back and forth slowly, relief in every motion. 

“And I’m sorry for blowing up at you like that.” He mumbles into Sterns hair, “Next time I'll try to say if something is bugging me before it gets too bad.”

“Thank you.” Stern pulls back with a bees-wing of a smile.

Barclay touches the frames, “can I take these off?”

“Yes.”

When he does a pair of clever, blue eyes squint in kitchen light, “Ow.”

“Here, got an idea. Shut your eyes.”

Stern does, massaging his temples, stumbles when Barclay gathers him into a kiss. The shorter mans fingers catch at the tangles in his hair, his lips part with plaintive, apologetic sounds that turn to moans when Barclay teases his tongue into his mouth. 

“Very smooth, big guy.” Stern purrs, kissing Barclays' neck (eyes still firmly shut).

“You’re gonna have to open them eventually, y’know.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You can simply be my eyes today.” 

“Yeah?” Barclay pecks him on the lips, then steps back so Stern has to step forward to get another. Does it twice more and then Stern laughs.

“This is not the most efficient method of doing this.”

“But it’s way more fun.” Another kiss.

“A very good point.” Stern lands this kiss on his cheek, giggles, then nuzzles his beard. 

“Dad? Oh, hi dude.”

They both turn to look at Jake, Stern cringing when he does. 

“Hey bud, what’s up?”

Jake holds up his bike chain, conspicuously unattached to his bike. 

“I need help.”

“On it.”

“I can help as well. If, ah, if that’s alright.”

“Of course it is, babe.”

“...Let me just put my sunglasses back on first.”

——————————————————-

His hangover headache is replaced by his usual, “I've been staring at a screen for too long” headache on Monday. He sneaks breaks to plan out his welcome home celebration for Aubrey.

Like clockwork, Hayes is at his door five minutes before five. 

“Stern, where is that Rhinelander report.”

“In your email? I sent it to you on Friday, remember?”

“I see. And the Flathead report?”

“That’s not due for another” he looks at his calendar, “two weeks. We don’t even have all the final field notes from it.”

“You will be staying late to make me a preliminary draft.”

“I will be doing no such thing.” The words are out before his fear manages to yank them back.

“Oh?” Hayes looks amused.

“I need to be there to pick up my niece from school. I do not need to work on a report that I will likely have to re-write half of in a week."

“I believe you’ll find I am the person who decides what is needed.”

“With all due respect, Agent Hayes, you and I have been in this agency the same length of time. I know what needs to happen and when as much as you do. Now, if you’ll excuse me,” he steps past his boss and into the hall, “I will see you tomorrow.” 

He makes it out the building and into the car felling freer than he’s ever felt.

And has a panic attack as soon as he shuts the door.

Once his hands stop shaking and his breathing comes back to normal, he pulls out of the parking lot and heads for the school.

To his surprise, it’s Duck who’s waiting out front with Aubrey, pointing animatedly to several clumps of flowers well his niece looks at them inquisitively. 

“Hello, firefly.”

Aubrey simply shrieks and leaps into his arms. He spins her around, laughter spilling out of both of them. 

“I missed you so much. And I’m so sorry for not being there when you went. Can you ever forgive me?”

“Do not ever make me do that again and you have a deal.” Aubrey regards him seriously. 

He nods, “I’ll do my best.”

She continues hugging him tight, and he can’t bear to put her down even when he struggles to grab her backpack off the concrete. Duck hands it to him after chuckling at his first attempt. 

“Indrid’s got parent meetins, includin one with Barclay about Jake, but this one insisted on waitin out here for you. I was doin' some science outreach with the first graders today, so we figured I could keep an eye on her.”

“I can keep an eye on myself.”

“I don’t doubt it, lady flame, but it don’t hurt to have back up.” 

“Thank you, Duck.”

Duck tips his hat, heads back towards the main building. 

“Are Jake and Barclay coming over?” Aubrey clicks in her seat-belt. 

“Not tonight. I thought it would be nice to have some time for just the two of us.”

Aubrey thinks for a moment.

“Yeah” she grins at him, “it would.”

He makes her favorite (his mom’s mac and cheese recipe), even gets down the fancy plates and glasses. She complains about the weekend some, but seems intent on focusing on telling him about the new magic trick she’s learning, and the art project Indrid is having them do in class.

After dinner they do dishes, and he sits on the floor of her room while she lets Dr. Harris Bonkers PhD, run around, cuddling the rabbit (who hops up to her for nose pets and cuddles as soon as she opens his cage). She even reads the rabbit a bedtime story, before letting Stern tuck her in.

“Nice and comfy?”

“Uh huh. Night, uncle Joseph.”

“Goodnight, firefly. I’m glad you’re home.”

“Me too.” She yawns, cuddles up with the fire plushy. 

He heads into his room, changing into his pajamas before dialing Barclay. He catches him up on how Aubrey is doing and, more importantly….

“Holy shit, you stood up to Hayes.”

“Yes. Please reassure me this was the right thing to do.”

“It was. I’m proud of you, babe.”

“Thanks. But please save any further praise for tomorrow when we see if I still have a job.”

“Think I can manage that. Now go to sleep, babe, you sound exhausted.”

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too. Sleep tight.”

————————————-

“Agent Stern.”

Oh god, that voice belongs to Haye’s boss. Meaning she is his double-superior. 

“A word?”

“Of course, Agent Wildes.” 

He steps through the office door, fully expecting to see Hayes waiting for him.

Instead, he and Wildes are alone. She gestures to a seat and he drops into it.

“I’ll be blunt, Stern. I came in this morning to an email from Agent Hayes, requesting your termination.”

“On what grounds, may I ask?”

“Disobeying directives and failing to demonstrate appropriate dedication to the position.”

His stomach rolls like a crashing car.

“Well? Do you have a response to his claims?”

“With, with all due respect Agent Wildes, I’m not surprised. I refused to write up the Flathead report last night, and I don’t think he was pleased.”

“The Flathead report? I assigned that specifically to him.”

“I’m-wait, excuse me?”

“I assigned that report to Hayes. Those are his field agents. Why did he ask you?”

“I assumed he had his reasons, and since he’s my superior-”

“Hold on a moment.” Wildes types on her laptop, “have you had to do anything on the Rhinelander report? Or the Flatwoods case?”

“Yes.”

“Bluff Creek, Tahoe, Albuquerque?”

“Yes.”

“Stern, with the exception of Bluff Creek, those are all reports and supervision I assigned to Hayes. As far as I can tell, you’ve been doing the work of two people, with Hayes putting his name on it before it got to me.”

She taps her desk with a pen, “He tried to bluff you by coming to me.”

“He’s been making me scramble and work late and leave my family in stressful situations because he wouldn't do his job.”

“It would seem so. I believe Hayes and I are due for a chat.”

Wildes face is placid, and it’s only because he’s worked under her for four years that he can tell: Hayes is in a world of trouble. 

————————————————

“Here’s to not having to stay until fucking midnight ever again.” Barclay raises his mug of tea, clinks it against Sterns.

“I wouldn’t go that far. There may still be times where I need to pull a long night. But at least I’ll know it’s for a real reason.”

“Let me be celebratory, damn it.” Barclay hip checks him.

“Very well.” Stern leans in for a mint-tinted kiss. He’s angling for another when there’s a knock on the door. 

He opens it, finds a woman in a grey cardigan and blue-rimmed glasses. 

“Mr. Stern?”

“Yes?”

“I’m with the county welfare service. Am I correct that your in-laws are currently planning to take you to court for custody of your niece.”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

She gives a light smile, “well, then, consider this a spot check. May I come in?”


	10. The Best Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aubrey questions. Barclay shows off. Stern feels warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies to all my social work co-students, I know this is not exactly how home visits work.

“Ah, I’m afraid I need to see some proof Ms...?”

“Janelle is fine. And here is my identification.” She hands Stern a county ID card.

“Thank you. I'm sorry, but you can understand why I may be a bit wary.”

“Of course.” 

Stern steps aside so Janelle can come in. Barclay is hovering in the kitchen door and Stern decides to get the elephant in the out of the way.

“This is my partner, Barclay.”

“Nice to meet you.” He holds out his had and Janelle shakes it pleasantly. 

"Likewise."

“Uh, Aubrey’s out back playing with my son. Do you need us to, like, go so you can talk to Joseph and her?”

“No no, this visit is about observing the space as it is on any given day. Are you and your son here often?”

“Yeah, Joseph and I help each other out with school pickups and such, so we usually all end up spending time together.”

“I see. Mr. Stern, can you show me Aubreys’ room?”

“Right this way.” 

As Stern shows Janelle around, she asks him about his work, about what Barclay does, about how Aubrey is coping with coming up on the one year anniversary of her parents death. 

“I think she’s doing as well as she can be. If I notice that changing, my plan is to ask her if she’d like to see the counselor we worked with when she first moved here.”

“You had her seeing someone?” Janelle jots a few words down on the form she’s carrying.

“Yes. I knew I wasn’t equipped to help her in that way, especially since I was dealing with my own grief. Also all the books said it was a good idea. I'd like to pretend I knew how to handle everything perfectly, but I couldn't let my pride get in the way of her getting what she needed.”

“I see.” Janelle smiles, “oh, hello there.” She looks down at Dr Harris Bonkers, who is nibbling on the end of her shawl through his cage.

“Ah! Sorry about that.” 

“It’s alright. Is this Aubrey’s pet?”

“Yes” Aubrey stands in her doorway, hands on her hips, “his name is Dr. Harris Bonkers, PhD. Who are you?” She regards Janelle with suspicion. 

“My name is Janelle. You must be Aubrey” She holds out her and and Aubrey pauses, then shakes it, “I’m here learning about your home. Would it be alright if I talked with you for a bit?”

Aubrey quirks her nose in thought, “Can I show you a magic trick while we do?”

Janelle nods. Stern excuses himself when she indicates that she wants to talk to his niece alone. He returns to the kitchen, finds Barclay doing dishes with the kind of focus that means he’s worried about something. 

“How’s it going?”

“Good. I think. I want to be more worried but at a certain point, I know every choice I’ve made, I’ve made from the starting point of trying to do whats best for her. And if that’s not enough, I do know what is.”

Barclay dries his hands, draws him into a hug.

“You’re absolutely the right person for her to grow up with. With a little help from yours truly, of course.”

Stern nestles against him, murmurs, “I love you.”

"Love you too, babe."

“Uncle Joseph! Janelle is a magician too!” Aubrey bolts into the kitchen, bouncing with delight.

“In a past life.” The woman smiles, “I think I’ve got everything I need. Thank you for your time, Aubrey, Mr. Stern.”

“Of course.” He walks her to the door, asks softly, “do you know when we’ll know? The outcome of all this, I mean.”

Janelle looks past him, to where Aubrey is sitting on the couch, animatedly telling a story to Jake and Barclay. Smiles.

“I think it will be resolved very soon.”

\---------------------------------------------------------

“THEY DROPPED THE CASE!”

Barclay drops the phone, unprepared for his boyfriend yelling on the other end.

“Barclay?” Says the tinny voice from the floor.

“Sorry. No shit? They’re not going to keep trying for custody?”

“No. From what I gather, between Janelle’s report and the fact that Jon and Margery didn’t have a fucking leg to stand on anyway, it was tossed out.”

“Still can’t believe they were so fucking full of themselves that they actually sent someone to get an opinion from Indrid.”

“Lord, I just” Stern sounds close to tears, “I’m so relieved, Barclay. So, so relieved, and Aubrey is going to be overjoyed when she gets home from school. We should do something to celebrate.”

Barclay glances out the window, spies Mama carving a new statue while Thacker works in the garden.

“Y’know, I think I have some ideas…”

\---------------

That weekend, they throw an enormous party. Barclay cooks, Aubrey invites all her friends, and Mama decorates her backyard in red, gold, and black. The kids run about with Mama’s hunting dog and stuff their faces full of sugar, while the adults sit by the fire-pit and chat. 

Stern sits in Barclays lap most of the night, feeling silly at first but gradually melting against the warm, sturdy frame. Thacker tells a shaggy dog joke, Mama barks out a laugh, and Barclay gives a rumbling chuckle that Stern feels through his whole body. 

Good lord, when was the last time he was this happy?

Midway through the evening, Mama says, “Alright, critters time for a scavenger hunt! Thacker's put together a real good one.”

“I CALL HOLLIS ON MY TEAM!” Jake yells, shoving Dani towards Aubrey. As the kids giggle and sort themselves out, Stern catches Mama winking at Barclay.

“Hey, babe, come back to my place for a sec. I need to grab something.”

“And what” Stern purrs as he falls into step beside him, “exactly do you need to grab?”

\------------------------------  
“Good Lord!”

“Told you I could do it with some practice.”

“No kidding.” Stern wraps his arms around Barclays neck. His boyfriend stripped down as soon as the bedroom door swung shut, stroking his cock until it was hard while Stern yanked his clothes off like they were on fire. Then he proceeded to hook his hands under Sterns ass and lift him up against the wall, the agent yelping with delight and grabbing his hips with his legs. 

“Are you, ah!” Barclay bites his neck, “certain you can hold me up the whole time?”

“Only one way to find out.”

“OHlordalmighty, okay, but if, if you drop me, you’re the one who has to explain the injury to the kids.”

“Deal” Barclay slams into him all the way, groans at the same time Sterns head bumps against the wall, “god, babe, you feel so fucking good.”

Stern has no response beyond a moan, too busy drowning in the sensation of Barclays fingers digging into his ass, the way he grunts louder whenever Stern tightens around him. He kisses him hungrily, bites his lip for good measure and the resulting thrust is so hard it knocks a picture off the wall. There's a flurry of thrusts and all Stern can do is hold on, kissing and moaning and biting as pleasure floods him. 

“Yeah, oh _yeah_” Barclay shoves in slowly, twice more, mouthing at Sterns throat.

“Don’t you fucking stop big guy.” Stern tights his grip with his legs, trapping Barclay against him. Barclay growls, moves his hips in short jerks.

“Not planning on it, fuck, baby, but not sure I can keep this up.” His arms are shaking under Sterns fingers.

Stern tugs his ear with his teeth, “take me to bed, then.”

Barclay pulls back and Stern gets his feet on the floor, kissing Barclay as they maneuver towards the bed. When he flops down on the mattress, he holds up a hand, “One moment.”

Leaning under the bed, he pulls a small plug and lube from a box. Holds them where Barclay can see them.

“What do you think, big guy? Want me to fuck your ass while you fuck me?”

Barclay growls again, tackling him and kissing him silly before panting out, “please.”

Stern spreads his legs and Barclay eagerly pushes back in, nipping his neck as he does. Bites down much harder when Stern gently eases the plug in. 

“AH!god, good?”

“Mmmmhphmmm.” Barclay whines against his skin, nodding. Stern drags the plug halfway out, shoves it back and gets another whine and a wiggling of the hips. 

“Barclay, if you want me to keep going, you need to fuck me, fuck, yes exactly, ohlordohmygod.” Stern moans as Barclay tangles one hand in his hair and hooks the other under his arm and up to grip his shoulder, giving him leverage to fuck him relentlessly into the mattress. He fucks him as hard as he can with the plug. The springs groan and whine along with them every time Barclay gains speed.

The larger man is pressing close enough that his lower belly is rubbing against Sterns dick, and he gasps when, as Barclay changes to a more ragged tempo, it catches at just the right angle. 

“Come on, handsome, fuck me harder or I’ll st-OHohhhhh, yes, Barclay, love, pleaseplease_yes_.” He comes with a cry, hands flopping to the bed as Barclay sits up and grabs his ass again, thrusting into him so hard he feels raw, his legs bouncing weakly under the force of Barclays enthusiasm. 

“Joseph, baby, fuck, I love fucking you, you’re so good, babe, fuck, _fuck_.” He drags red lines into Sterns thighs as he comes, whimpering Sterns name with each stuttery thrust. 

Still panting, he pulls out and curls up with his head under Sterns chin.

“We should head back out.”

“Uh huh, yep, lemme just get my brain online again and we’ll be all set.”

Stern chuckles, kisses his temple.

“You’re so fucking hot. And I love you so much.”

“Same to you, big guy. And I love you too. So very much.”

Barclay looks up at him with a smile that, if he has it his way, Stern will see every day of his life.

“Lucky me.”

\----------------------------------

They make it back to the party right before the scavenger hunt ends, as presentable as can be.

As the evening winds down, Aubreys' often boundless energy runs low, and she crawls into Sterns arms as he sits by the embers of the fire.

“What’s on your mind, firefly?”

“M’happy”

“That’s very good to hear.”

He wants to say more, that’s never been more relieved to know he’ll have to take her to school on Monday. That he’s never been happier to know he’ll have years of worrying about her ahead of him. That he's so glad she climbed that too-high tree and tumbled into the arms of the man he loves. 

“Uncle Joseph?”

“Yes, my dear?”

“Do you know why I’m glad I get to stay?”

“Why is that?”

She hugs him, and he feels like the luckiest man in the world, “because you’re the best.”


End file.
